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Written by Kara Benson, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Alabama
A precious camp counselor (we will call her Elizabeth) shared a memorable anecdote with me. Elizabeth had been married, but her husband sadly fell into sin and decided to be with another woman. After time had passed, the other woman wanted to learn about Jesus. Unsure of who else to ask, she approached Elizabeth. Elizabeth said she will never forget sitting in her kitchen, sharing the gospel with the woman who had stolen her husband and wreaked havoc on her life. It was the hardest thing she ever had to do. But saving a soul was more important than her heartache; she set aside her damaged feelings for a higher purpose.
Elizabeth maintained a degree of distance from the other woman to protect her heart. It is okay and healthy to set boundaries with other people. In his podcast Excel Still More, Kris Emerson describes how the apostle Paul did precisely that. Two missionary journey companions he had previously trusted were no longer allowed to travel with Paul after they had deserted him: Demas and John Mark. After traveling with Paul and participating in his ministry, Demas deserted Paul “because he loved this world” (2 Tim. 4:10 NIV). In his previous letter Paul affirmed that God, “wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth” (1 Tim. 2:4). We see a desire for mercy on those who had deserted him in 2 Timothy 4:16. Despite this desire, Paul could no longer trust Demas and warned Timothy about him.
There can be Christians who we are unable to trust because of their continued bad choices. We still love and care for them. Loss of trust is neither desiring nor determining condemnation; rather, placing boundaries is protection. Scripture teaches, “Do not be deceived: bad company corrupts good character” (1 Cor. 15: 33). We don’t want unhealthy influences in our lives. Having close relationships where we can influence someone for Jesus without being led astray requires balance. Second Corinthians 6:14 instructs us to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. We might think we are strong enough, but we may find out that is not the case.
Therefore, we need to draw and maintain boundary lines. Those on the other side of those boundaries are still valuable people. Jesus teaches that the two greatest commands are to love God and love our neighbor (Mark 12:28-31). When the opportunity presents itself to maintain this balance and teach the truth, we should follow Elizabeth’s example and take it.
In Ecclesiastes, we are reminded of the value of mutual relationships in which “if one falls down, his friends can help him up” (Ecc. 4:9-12). Those we keep close should “help us up” by encouraging our strength and devotion. We can listen to their advice and trust them, for “those who walk with the wise will become wise” (Prov. 13:20). These are the people with whom we regularly communicate and feel safe opening up to. Through forming relationships with the trustworthy and wise, we build a support system that strengthens our faith and gives us the confidence and ability to influence others for Christ.
Due to their immense value, we need to prioritize building and reinvesting in healthy relationships that may have been neglected. This requires observing and appreciating their positive character, bringing them close, and deepening a relationship with them. We may need to take the initiative and discover how we can encourage the other person as well.
Conversely, if there is an unhealthy relationship that is hurting you or your relationship with God, it needs to be addressed. Jesus teaches us to cut off the hand or eye that causes us to sin (Matt. 5:29-30). If you have a relationship with someone who is leading you into sin or working against what you are trying to do for the Lord, it may need to be ended. If it cannot be ended, then limit the time you interact with that person. A little space might help you have a healthier faith and could benefit the other person. Pray, ask for God’s guidance, and read His Word before deciding.
While Paul and Barnabas were preparing for their second missionary journey, Barnabas wanted to take John Mark with them. In contrast, “Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company” (Acts 15:38-39).
Paul could not trust John Mark because he had previously abandoned them. Later, however, Paul asked that John Mark be brought to him because John Mark had been “helpful to [him] in [his] ministry” (2 Tim. 4:11). As time passed, change must have taken place. From this, we can learn that there is hope for relationships to be restored. Our God is in the business of redemption and restoration; sometimes in this life, sometimes in the next.
No matter the outcome, “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him” (Rom. 8:28).
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Written by Francia Oviedo, Creative Assistant for Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Honduras
I remember sitting in a park with all my friends. It was common to sit there to chat, laugh and although it seemed innocent, sometimes laugh at others. We used to have conversations that were not very useful or profitable. But one day something different happened; I realized that, unlike my friends, I was already a Christian, I had given my life to God, and I was unequally yoked.
But what is a yoke? Imagine a piece of wood with an arch carved out on each end. The head of an animal--generally an ox—is fitted in each arch, and when they are prodded by the tiller of the plow, they will pull the yoke to plow the field and create furrows in which seed will be planted. These furrows must be consistent in depth and spacing because if they are not, the seed will not be able to grow properly. This is why it is important that the two animals that are yoked together are of equal size and strength because if not, the crop will not grow properly and, above all, the animals could hurt each other if one of them pulls the yoke with more force than the other. In the Old Testament we find this verse, “You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together” (Deut. 22:10 NASB).
So, then what do we call an unequally yoked relationship? A marriage relationship where one of the parties is not a Christian is commonly called an unequally yoked union, but I believe it goes much further than that. I think it is an issue that we must constantly pay attention to. Being unequally yoked can also apply when our lives are being influenced by worldly beliefs, cultures, ideas, ideologies, etc. where the will and holiness of God does not reign. Many times, we let these things guide our way of thinking and behaving and we end up unequally yoked, forgetting God's will for us.
Going back to my story, after giving my life to God and deciding to change my way of living and my way of speaking and expressing myself, I continued walking around with my friends who continued doing the same things that I no longer wanted to do. That day in the park while everyone was having a conversation and laughing at a boy who was passing by, saying things that had no purpose for me, I understood that that was no longer where I needed to be, and I decided to leave this environment and these companions. As 1 Corinthians 15:33 says, “But don’t be so naïve—there’s another saying you know well—Bad company corrupts good habits" (The Voice). I really liked enjoying time with my friends, but it was no longer a place for me.
With this, I am not saying that we have to abandon friends, a partner, a job, or a project, but it is about understanding and respecting our purpose of keeping ourselves in the will of God. I believe that when we demonstrate this firmness, which of course we must do with a lot of love and respect for others who do not believe in God, we can show the light of Jesus and we can become references for them when they need God.
As for my friends, I can say that, although I distanced myself a little from them and that unhealthy environment, I continued to be in regular contact with them, since I also know that my purpose is to share the message of God, trying to be a light for them, while always guarding my heart.
And well, I already told you what I had to give up, and I assure you that there are things that I must be constantly evaluating in my life: what conversations do I have, what music do I listen to, what videos or series do I watch? I must constantly check my heart and analyze what I am unequally yoking myself to.
And you, what relationships, conversations, movies, books, ___________ (fill in the blank with your challenge) are you unequally yoking yourself to? I encourage you to put those things in God’s hands in prayer. May He always help you guard your heart and not be unequally yoked.