Iron Rose Sister Ministries

Written by Lisanka Martínez, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Venezuela

When we read in Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (NIV), it is necessary to keep in mind that it is a command for all Christians in all times, places, and circumstances. Because of this, we notice the commitment that it represents to be able to express ourselves, as the Word indicates, so that our speech is edifying for those who listen to us, always avoiding the opposite.

This commitment, I confess, has been an uphill struggle for me on several occasions, and incredibly more so in my life as a Christian. Before I studied the Word, when I read or listened to this verse, it seemed to me to be directed at people who were mean in their language, uncontrolled, or who always spoke with malice and double meanings, offending and mocking others. I thought it was not addressed to me, who, although I said a bad word from time to time, tried to be careful where and to whom I said it, being respectful of the people with whom I had some contact.

Later, as a Christian, I remember an anecdote that happened to me during a discipleship class in which I participated shortly after being baptized.

I arrived 15 minutes early to the meeting set for 8 a.m. and I found only the sister in charge of the class who had been there since 7:30 a.m. The rest of the group arrived in a span of half an hour. Much later, the sister who led the class was the last to arrive with another of the sisters. When I asked them what had happened to them and why they were so late, the accompanying sister told me that it was the time the person in charge had told her because they needed to wait until everyone was there before beginning.

I was very upset, and I let the leader know that I thought it was disrespectful for her to arrive almost an hour late to start the class. My attitude had its immediate response: her face was transformed, and she spent the next half an hour sharing an improvised lecture (with its corresponding biblical passages) in which she explained why a neophyte like me should not call out a more mature woman in the faith. I listened to her speech quietly, still upset, and then we finally moved on to the prepared class material. Of course, nothing she said convinced me that she hadn't disrespected all of us. Being Venezuelan, I should have been used to that characteristic of many of my compatriots: the failure to comply with schedules and the lack of respect for others' time; however, I was not and still am not.

Reflecting on this experience, I now think that she, with more experience in the faith, should have simply apologized to everyone for being late and told me, the insubordinate one, that we would talk more calmly about the subject later, instead of showing that she was in charge and that the rest of us should respect and obey her. In conclusion, we both failed as friends, sisters, and group members.

How many of you have had something like this happen? (I remember a story shared by our sister Michelle where she related a similar experience involving a church trip to the beach, found in the book, In God’s Right Hand). Fortunately, those experiences now seem very distant, and we remember them more objectively, although for everyone in the group that day, it would not have been edifying despite the use of the Bible and the fact that no corrupt words were used.

Studying Social Work, I learned about what it means to be in a group and even more so if we formed a team: the commitment, the level of confidentiality, and cohesion that this implied. It should have been a piece of cake to transfer that to my church groups many years later. However, experience has shown me that I have failed in my commitment to God and to the members of the group because of the way I am, always trying to give instructions about the right way to do or say things without being loving, understanding, and compassionate enough in most cases. My commitment is not only to teach, but also to listen and show the greatest empathy, and I want my face and gestures to reflect the love of Christ and not just my words. Now, I work daily to correct and change with God's help.

Do you hear yourself and your sisters in your small group showing love?

Written by Rianna Elmshaeuser, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Colorado

Christian movies often end with the characters, who have trusted and obeyed God despite the circumstances, getting everything they want: a baby, a spouse, money, whatever. I’m not criticizing those movies because that frequently does happen, but it also doesn’t always happen that way. What do we do when we don’t get everything we want? Is it worth it? I can tell you from the perspective of someone who didn’t get the desires of her heart, it is still worth it to trust and obey God.

All my life I have loved kids. I so badly wanted my own kids to hold and sing to and teach and watch grow up. Unfortunately, I never married. I could not afford adoption or a residence big enough to appease the State requirements for a foster child. So here I am, age 40 and skipping all the church baby showers because they are just too painful. Along the way, I received more than a few recommendations to go to a sperm bank (use a donor) and have a baby by myself. But I had a problem with that. I believe God designed the family to have a mother and a father. And as badly as I wanted to be a mother, I felt that if I went around His plan and intentionally brought a child into a fatherless home, I would be disobeying God. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. Taking in a foster child was an exception in my book because I was not the one who brought them into the world. They are kids that don’t have anyone to love them, and one person would be better than none.

To most of society, this is a crazy position to take. I connect deeply with Hebrews 11:13, “All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth” (NIV).

My obedience to God may not bring me what I want, but I trust in God with all my heart that His way is better than mine. I am not single by my own design, but I have found 1 Corinthians 7:34 to be true: “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.” My singleness and childlessness have given me time to help with the youth group, coach the kids in puppet ministry for Lads 2 Leaders, start a singles ministry, volunteer at nursing homes and other places, make time for lunch or coffee with people who need encouragement, and many other things that bring about a sense of fulfillment.

I have learned to embrace my status in life and trust that God has a plan for me because of Jesus’ example. He trusted His Father, our Father, to the point of death. When Jesus was in the garden, He was praying for God to find another way, to take the cup from Him. But in His perfect obedience, He said, “Not my will, but yours.”

As badly as I want children, I am trusting God’s plan even though I may never see the results in my lifetime. Hebrews 3:7-8 says, “So, as the Holy Spirit says: ‘Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion, during the time of testing in the wilderness’.” Everyone at one time or another faces a choice to obey God or do their own thing. I had a friend in college who rebelled, had two kids while unmarried, and then repented and came back to the Lord. The thought did cross my mind that I could do that too. But trusting in God means also trusting that the consequences for rebelling to get what I want and then repenting will not be better than if I obeyed Him in the first place.

During my time of testing, I did not rebel, but did my best to emulate Jesus and say, “I don’t understand, but Your will, not mine.” Through the pain and sorrow, God has made changes in my heart that I could never have imagined possible. I have a light in my heart that I didn’t know was missing and a relationship with Jesus that is deeper than ever before. He has also set me on a path to help lots of hurting kids rather than my own. I am excited for the future. Despite the likelihood that there will always be times I don’t understand, and I will still mourn the children I never had, I trust my Father to bring about something better.