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Written by Michelle J. Goff, Founder and Director of Iron Rose Sister Ministries
One young girl dreamed of how her wedding day would be and described the perfect groom to her friend. The other girl, surrounded by baby dolls, simply shook her head, and declared that she didn’t care what he looked like, “As long as I can have one hundred babies.”
Neither of these girls’ expectations were very realistic, but they were deeply believed. Have you ever believed something so clearly, so definitively that you were shocked or saddened by a reality that did not align with your expectations?
We do this in relationships. I clearly and definitively remembered sending that text and expected my friend to respond quickly. After a day had passed with no answer and I prepared to write her my own heated response, I realized that I had never hit send on the original message.
We do this on a larger scale. My friend expected that the friendship she and her sister shared as children would continue into adulthood, living on the same block, sharing lives, leftovers, and everything! But your imagination can fill in the blank about why that relationship expectation did not become reality…
Relationship expectations can be short-term, long-term, on a small scale, on a larger scale, on a superficial level, or on a deeper level.
What expectations have you had in your relationship with friends? …with family? …with coworkers or classmates? …with Christian sisters? …with the church?
What happens when others don’t meet those expectations? Or, to flip it around, what happens when we don’t meet their expectations?
Some expectations are good, healthy, and right. We grow from them. Teachers talk about challenging students to rise to meet expectations—not just academic ones, but in the formation of their students’ character.
Other expectations are bad, unhealthy, and wrong. We are crushed by them. Social media has been utilized to establish unrealistic and damaging expectations for us, fueled by comparison and deception. Ugh!
Before we crumble under the weight of others’ expectations, allow me to offer a reminder of beautiful, scriptural expectations that did come true… but maybe not as originally anticipated…
For the Jews who expected the King of a new Kingdom, we can listen through their ears of anticipation, under oppressive Roman rule. “Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever” (Is. 9:7 NIV).
Even though prophecy proclaimed what to expect, the Jews became confused in their interpretation of the expectations. They wanted an earthly king. And before we become harsh in our judgment of them, think of how your expectations might change after a 400-year wait.
Joyfully, we recognize, on this side of the resurrection, what Christ told Pilate, nearing His crucifixion. “Jesus said, ‘My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jewish leaders. But now my kingdom is from another place’” (John 18:36).
Amen! I am grateful for His Kingdom which exceeds our expectations and is more relational than contractual!
It is easy for me, like the Jews in hungry anticipation of a savior, to project my own expectations on God—what I need saving from or how I need a savior that day. The longer I wait, the more demanding I may become. For good or for ill, anticipation intensifies expectations.
In our relationship with God and our relationships with one another, we expect what we want to happen rather than wait for what we believe truly will happen. We create our own version of a future reality that is never realized. And then, we are deeply disappointed.
As our Creator, Heavenly Father, Redeemer, and Friend, God can handle our expectations and our disappointments. As our Comforter, He gently guides us to turn over all our expectations to Him—the One who can transform them to align with the desires of His heart (Ps. 37:4).
Therefore, I invite us to trust in the One who has always had our best interest at heart, and who will always meet our expectations. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb. 13:8). Warning: God may have to adjust our expectations along the journey.
God will never forsake us. His Word is true, and His promises never fail.
God loves us to incomprehensible extremes (John 3:16-18).
Jesus is preparing a place for us (John 14:2-3).
He longs to dwell with us now, eternally, through His Spirit (Acts 2:38).
What relationship expectations are entrapping you currently—with God or with others?
How can you find freedom in the truth in one of God’s promises and consistently fulfilled expectations?
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Written as an interview between Michelle J. Goff and Johanna Zabala, Iron Rose Sister Ministries Volunteer in Venezuela
1. Michelle: When you think of small groups, what comes to mind?
Johanna: Today, I consider small groups as very important in our significant relationships. They allow us to interact and learn from one another. Each teaching or learning through these relationships reminds me of the moment when our beloved Lord Jesus selected His disciples with a holy purpose (Mark 3:16-19).
Every relationship brings different learnings and lessons. For me, interpersonal relationships develop internal confidence and trust, and each person in the group develops distinct connections with those around them.
Since creation (Gen. 1-2), when our Heavenly Father said, “Let us,” He gave us the best original example of connection, unity, and a team.
2. Michelle: What would be some examples of small groups that have this type of connection, unity, or that work in a team today?
Johanna: We are always interacting and learning in our everyday lives. The family fulfills a paramount function in relationships since it is the trigger for ongoing communication. It is through the interaction with those in our environment that provides the opportunity to know and understand the exchange of experiences, knowledge, feelings, and actions for growth.
Within my own routines, I have discovered how useful and necessary it is to be able to count on my support groups and friendships in the various areas of my life. My own family is an example of a small group. My husband has an important role as the leader in our joint direction as a couple, and the direction of our children. Also, as a family, we serve as a group and individually in the church and secular functions.
3. Michelle: Now that you’ve mentioned how a family can serve as a small group in the church, what other small groups do you know in the church?
Johanna: In the church and other life experiences, small groups are visible in every ministry. Activities are rolled out that are very well structured, as God set in order. Small groups are what work together to realize their results.
Specifically, I love the work with Sunday school classes. Even though they may seem simple, they are to be highly regarded. As a group of teachers, together with the parents, united in the Lord’s purpose, we focus on preparing the child or teen that will later become an adult and will form part of his or her own small group, collaborating in the Lord’s great work.
Then, I love and value my ladies’ prayer groups. Connection is based on direct communication with our Creator. But here, not praying individually but rather as a team, we learn to know each other more in love, forgiveness, and friendship as the Lord commands.
4. Michelle: I remember that you have a lot of experience with special needs children. I think this can illustrate the grace that we should extend in small groups.
Johanna: Yes. On a secular level, God Himself has granted me education and experience in this branch of psychopedagogy (the psychological study of teaching). For years now, along with the great privilege of being His daughter, on various occasions I have been entrusted with the care and charge of various small groups of children with special education needs.
Those students did not all learn in the same way, at the same time, or at the same rhythm. But they did learn and achieve their scholastic requirements. This prompted me to pray for wisdom, and by loving them in this way, together we could achieve significant learning according to their academic needs.
All of this strengthened the relevance of my friendships in small groups and the transcendental nature of relationships—personal, family, and social—toward the understanding of our expanded communication.
5. Michelle. True! I agree completely. And if you allow me to share an example… I apply the same concept to my sisters in Christ, those with whom I have shared in small groups: Martha likes it when everything is organized and spelled out in detail. That’s how she communicates. Sue prefers that you give her the overall plan and a green light to do her part. Lisa wants everything to be done with a little song. What a blessing when I learn from their different perspectives and communication styles, whether we are meeting in a small group to pray and study the Bible together, or when we are planning a children’s class together.
6. Michelle: Sister Johanna, thank you for the illustrations from your own life. Is there anything else you want to share in conclusion?
Johanna: We can see that the congregations of the Churches of Christ [particularly in Latin America and some in the U.S.] are not very large in number. However, we do have love and brotherhood throughout the world, which leads me to understand that united together we are great, to the glory of our Heavenly Father. In whichever of our small groups, it is important to know that we listen to get to know each other, help each other, love, forgive, and persevere with one another in what we believe for the preservation of our souls.
In what small groups are you currently active in your own congregation? Let’s celebrate them!