Iron Rose Sister Ministries

Written by Liliana Henríquez, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Colombia

In the same way that a sheet of paper can take on different shapes as origami figures, interpersonal relationships can be shaped in different ways according to the expectations we have. Naturally, we expect the people with whom we relate to have characteristics that are similar to ours: the same values, same points of view, liking the same things, etc. However, this is not always the case. In the course of my adult life, I have had friends who have only stayed next to me for certain seasons of my life, and other friends that I still have and with whom I maintain a close friendship. I've had friendships that I've had to let go of because we were not on the same page anymore and it was better to go our separate ways like Paul and Barnabas in Acts 15.

Expectations not only apply at the level of friendships and couples, but also in ministry and work life. I believe that it is valid to accept that sometimes we grow in different directions, that we have different personalities, and that, as a wise Spanish proverb says, “Cada cabeza es un mundo,” or “Every head is a world.” The most important thing is that we learn to have realistic expectations, know how to communicate with others so that the relationship is strengthened, avoid idealizing people, and be aware that regardless of the type of relationship we have, our essence should not change. We are Christians and above all, love and respect must prevail.

We are light and we must shine. (Matt. 5:14)

We are salt and we must give flavor. (Matt. 5:13)

We have the Holy Spirit, and we must bear Its fruit. (Gal. 5:22-23)

I know it hurts to leave friendships and relationships that we thought would last longer. But it is important to know how to identify when we are no longer the right companion for someone and when someone is not right for us because, in the end, we likely would end up hurting each other. The first priority should always be to fix or restore the friendship or relationship, but if after working through that whole process, harmony between both parties is not achieved, it is best to say goodbye.

It is important to choose wisely the people who will accompany us in the different seasons of our lives. When developing relationships, some healthy expectations that we should have, are with nurturing people who:

• Bring out the best in us.
• Bring us closer to God.
• Rejoice in our successes.
• Support us in our saddest moments.

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is there for times of trouble." (Prov. 17:17 ISV)

I want to continue developing relationships with people who, regardless of our different shapes and personalities, allow me to maintain my Christian essence. I want to continue being light, salt, and bearing the fruit of the Holy Spirit in all my relationships. And you? What are your expectations at a relational level?

Written by Michelle J. Goff, Founder and Director of Iron Rose Sister Ministries

One young girl dreamed of how her wedding day would be and described the perfect groom to her friend. The other girl, surrounded by baby dolls, simply shook her head, and declared that she didn’t care what he looked like, “As long as I can have one hundred babies.”

Neither of these girls’ expectations were very realistic, but they were deeply believed. Have you ever believed something so clearly, so definitively that you were shocked or saddened by a reality that did not align with your expectations?

We do this in relationships. I clearly and definitively remembered sending that text and expected my friend to respond quickly. After a day had passed with no answer and I prepared to write her my own heated response, I realized that I had never hit send on the original message.

We do this on a larger scale. My friend expected that the friendship she and her sister shared as children would continue into adulthood, living on the same block, sharing lives, leftovers, and everything! But your imagination can fill in the blank about why that relationship expectation did not become reality…

Relationship expectations can be short-term, long-term, on a small scale, on a larger scale, on a superficial level, or on a deeper level.

What expectations have you had in your relationship with friends? …with family? …with coworkers or classmates? …with Christian sisters? …with the church?

What happens when others don’t meet those expectations? Or, to flip it around, what happens when we don’t meet their expectations?

Some expectations are good, healthy, and right. We grow from them. Teachers talk about challenging students to rise to meet expectations—not just academic ones, but in the formation of their students’ character.

Other expectations are bad, unhealthy, and wrong. We are crushed by them. Social media has been utilized to establish unrealistic and damaging expectations for us, fueled by comparison and deception. Ugh!

Before we crumble under the weight of others’ expectations, allow me to offer a reminder of beautiful, scriptural expectations that did come true… but maybe not as originally anticipated…

For the Jews who expected the King of a new Kingdom, we can listen through their ears of anticipation, under oppressive Roman rule. “Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever” (Is. 9:7 NIV).

Even though prophecy proclaimed what to expect, the Jews became confused in their interpretation of the expectations. They wanted an earthly king. And before we become harsh in our judgment of them, think of how your expectations might change after a 400-year wait.

Joyfully, we recognize, on this side of the resurrection, what Christ told Pilate, nearing His crucifixion. “Jesus said, ‘My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jewish leaders. But now my kingdom is from another place’” (John 18:36).

Amen! I am grateful for His Kingdom which exceeds our expectations and is more relational than contractual!

It is easy for me, like the Jews in hungry anticipation of a savior, to project my own expectations on God—what I need saving from or how I need a savior that day. The longer I wait, the more demanding I may become. For good or for ill, anticipation intensifies expectations.

In our relationship with God and our relationships with one another, we expect what we want to happen rather than wait for what we believe truly will happen. We create our own version of a future reality that is never realized. And then, we are deeply disappointed.

As our Creator, Heavenly Father, Redeemer, and Friend, God can handle our expectations and our disappointments. As our Comforter, He gently guides us to turn over all our expectations to Him—the One who can transform them to align with the desires of His heart (Ps. 37:4).

Therefore, I invite us to trust in the One who has always had our best interest at heart, and who will always meet our expectations. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb. 13:8). Warning: God may have to adjust our expectations along the journey.

God will never forsake us. His Word is true, and His promises never fail.

God loves us to incomprehensible extremes (John 3:16-18).
Jesus is preparing a place for us (John 14:2-3).
He longs to dwell with us now, eternally, through His Spirit (Acts 2:38).

What relationship expectations are entrapping you currently—with God or with others?
How can you find freedom in the truth in one of God’s promises and consistently fulfilled expectations?