Iron Rose Sister Ministries

Written by Beliza Patrícia, Brazil Coordinator for Iron Rose Sister Ministries

There’s a common saying in most parts of Brazil, “Tell me who you walk with and I’ll tell you who you are.” Repeated by mothers, grandmothers, and teachers, this saying has a very clear meaning: we are like the people we spend time with. But this understanding isn’t new. Amos 3:3 says, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” (NIV)

Young Christians will hear 2 Corinthians 6:14 in innumerable Bible studies and classes. “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” A yoke is a piece of wood that connects animals enabling them to work together, pulling a cart, for example. This way, the weight is equally distributed between the two. However, if the animals are too different, the yoke will distribute the weight of the wood unevenly, causing one of them to carry a load that is too heavy. In other words, the yoke will be unequal.

This illustration is often used as an alert about the difficulties of a Christian marrying a non-Christian. And this makes total sense: the union of marriage isn’t just physical! It’s also a spiritual union! But does this illustration apply only to marriage? No! Whether we get married or not, we have relationships with others who participate in and influence our lives. Therefore, we need to be attentive and have clear criteria when choosing who we will walk with. But why?

Maybe you think, “I’m strong! I can carry the yoke!” Let’s look at the explanation that the scriptures provide about why we shouldn’t put ourselves in the position of being unequally yoked, showing the differences that make a Christian incompatible with the sin of the world that 1 John 5:19 tells us is controlled by the evil one.

What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people”. (2 Cor. 6:15-16)

• Righteous vs. Wickedness— Jesus came to justify (make us right), taking away sin; now whoever believes in Jesus lives for righteousness, not for evil.
• Light vs. Darkness — Sin and the lies of the world are darkness but the truth of Jesus illuminates the life of the believer.
• Christ vs. Belial — The term Belial was associated with Satan, as the expression in Hebrew means worthless; in other words, Christ’s adversary. The believer lives for Christ and is the devil’s enemy.
• Believer vs. Nonbeliever — The believer believes in Jesus and doesn’t reject Him.
• Temple of God vs. Idols — The believer has Jesus living within them, which is why they are a temple of God; therefore, they cannot worship other gods.

This biblical passage emphasizes all the things that we as Christians should not associate with. Second Corinthians 6:14 says, “Don’t team up” (NLT); in other words, we can be the ones who put ourselves in situations like this and decide to live unequally yoked. However, it is important to clarify that the passage does not refer to isolation. Avoiding an unequal yoke does not mean distancing ourselves from people who aren’t Christians, but rather from the wrong things they do.

We are called to build real and deep friendships with nonbelievers, spreading the love of Christ, but we cannot agree with sin, nor participate in it (John 17:15-18). When we are among people who are not Christians we should give testimony of Jesus Christ, and oftentimes this involves knowing how to say no in many situations. Jesus Christ always walked among corrupt people and gentiles, but He never contaminated Himself with their sins, He didn’t accept or conform to their behavior, and He showed them the path of light by preaching the gospel and repentance.

Are you choosing your associations wisely?

Written by Liliana Henríquez, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Colombia

In the same way that a sheet of paper can take on different shapes as origami figures, interpersonal relationships can be shaped in different ways according to the expectations we have. Naturally, we expect the people with whom we relate to have characteristics that are similar to ours: the same values, same points of view, liking the same things, etc. However, this is not always the case. In the course of my adult life, I have had friends who have only stayed next to me for certain seasons of my life, and other friends that I still have and with whom I maintain a close friendship. I've had friendships that I've had to let go of because we were not on the same page anymore and it was better to go our separate ways like Paul and Barnabas in Acts 15.

Expectations not only apply at the level of friendships and couples, but also in ministry and work life. I believe that it is valid to accept that sometimes we grow in different directions, that we have different personalities, and that, as a wise Spanish proverb says, “Cada cabeza es un mundo,” or “Every head is a world.” The most important thing is that we learn to have realistic expectations, know how to communicate with others so that the relationship is strengthened, avoid idealizing people, and be aware that regardless of the type of relationship we have, our essence should not change. We are Christians and above all, love and respect must prevail.

We are light and we must shine. (Matt. 5:14)

We are salt and we must give flavor. (Matt. 5:13)

We have the Holy Spirit, and we must bear Its fruit. (Gal. 5:22-23)

I know it hurts to leave friendships and relationships that we thought would last longer. But it is important to know how to identify when we are no longer the right companion for someone and when someone is not right for us because, in the end, we likely would end up hurting each other. The first priority should always be to fix or restore the friendship or relationship, but if after working through that whole process, harmony between both parties is not achieved, it is best to say goodbye.

It is important to choose wisely the people who will accompany us in the different seasons of our lives. When developing relationships, some healthy expectations that we should have, are with nurturing people who:

• Bring out the best in us.
• Bring us closer to God.
• Rejoice in our successes.
• Support us in our saddest moments.

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is there for times of trouble." (Prov. 17:17 ISV)

I want to continue developing relationships with people who, regardless of our different shapes and personalities, allow me to maintain my Christian essence. I want to continue being light, salt, and bearing the fruit of the Holy Spirit in all my relationships. And you? What are your expectations at a relational level?

Written by Deanna Brooks, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Arkansas

“I forgive you… and I love you!” What sweet words when sin has created a breach in a relationship!

Forgiveness comes from our Heavenly Father. Even before the world was created, He knew forgiveness and reconciliation would be part of the plan (Eph. 1:4; 2 Tim. 1:9).

In Exodus 34:6-7 we read one of the earliest descriptions of our God, “… merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin” (ESV). God’s desire to forgive is part of who He is—it’s part of His character. It is why He sent Jesus to earth and why Jesus was willing to die for our sins.

When the disciples asked Jesus to teach them to pray, part of the prayer he taught them was, “… forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us” (Luke 11:4). We ask God to forgive us—but that means we must also have a heart to forgive others.

In Colossians 3:13 Paul wrote, “… bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”

When Jesus was teaching His disciples, Peter asked Him how often he should forgive someone, then suggested, “’Seven times?’ Jesus replied, ‘Seventy times seven’” (Matt. 18:21-22).

The Jews looked back to Amos 2:6 and concluded that they were only required to forgive three times. By asking Jesus if seven was enough, Peter had more than doubled the traditional limit, using a number that in those times symbolized completion or perfection rather than a literal limit to how many times we are to forgive.

Forgiveness from God is unlimited when a person is repentant.

Two things to remember:
       When I forgive, the person may or may not accept it.
       When I ask for forgiveness, the person may or may not give it.

Either way, I have done what God wants me to do.

When I forgive, it takes away my anger and resentment. It means I no longer focus on the sin or hurt, and I may choose to forgive, even if the person has not asked for forgiveness. We live in a world where there are unintentional slights and hurts, and sometimes the offender is totally unaware of how his actions are received.

When I am forgiven, it means the person no longer holds me accountable for those actions.

However, forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. There may be consequences that can’t be repaired. Some things can never be fixed. The relationship may never go back to what it has been.

That is where our God is different. When He forgives, our sin is forgotten, and the relationship with us as His child, which He intended from the beginning, is restored.

Having a forgiving heart does not mean overlooking sin and brushing it aside. It may mean we confront the person, in love. Galatians 6:1 reads, “If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.”

We have a responsibility to watch out for others and confront them as Nathan did David (2 Sam 12). We all need a friend who will come to us if they see us doing something that will separate us from God.

The ultimate goal of forgiveness is to be able to return to a holy relationship with our Heavenly Father.

When we pray for forgiveness from our Father, let’s never forget that this forgiveness cost Jesus pain, suffering, and death. That’s how much we are loved!

Written by volunteers with Iron Rose Sister Ministries Crismarie Rivas (daughter) in Ecuador, and Johanna Zabala (mother) in Venezuela

When we talk about grace in relationships, we focus on personal, family, work, social, and friendship areas, immediately connecting them to the precious spiritual aspect because, as we know, grace would not be grace if it had not been given by God.

A clear example in scripture is the apostle Paul, who, through the Holy Spirit, speaks to the church in Ephesus and to us today, affirming that "by grace we have been saved" (Eph. 2:1-10 NKJV).

This shows us the free and undeserved favor that comes from the love and will of God toward every human being on the face of the earth. Also, it carries a series of unique characteristics of the saving grace of our Lord Jesus Christ: His love, goodness, compassion, consideration, and mercy shown to each of us.

Today, we live in a society that little knows the redeeming grace of Jesus Christ. Because of this, there is very little grace in the world's relationships.

However, for each of us as daughters of God and knowing His will through His grace given through His son, our Lord Jesus Christ, we need to demonstrate grace in relationships, especially in the family of faith. This encompasses everything: love, kindness, compassion, consideration, and mercy.

These are key elements to a genuinely gracious, single-minded relationship with Christ. This relationship leads us to practice the direct command to love one another, as indicated in 1 John 4:7, and links us to obedience to God.

To this effect, the grace of God is a divine and wonderful gift that gives us love, forgiveness, and strength to foster understanding, reconciliation, and spiritual growth that unites us powerfully.

The Bible repeatedly teaches about the application of grace in our relationships. Going back to Ephesians 1:6-7 (NKJV), we are reminded, "To the praise of the glory of his grace, by which he has made us accepted in the Beloved, in Him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace." This tells us that the grace of God accepts us as we are and frees us from the burden of sin through the sacrifice of Jesus.

Likewise, grace precedes forgiveness and reconciliation. "Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do" (Col. 3:13).

Grace calls us to forgive as Christ forgave us. By forgiving, we immediately open the door to reconciliation and maturity in each of our relationships. First Corinthians 13:4-7 beautifully tells us,

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

So, it is great to recognize that grace enables us to be patient and tolerant in all our relationships, reflecting God's love in our conduct and actions. And it is here when grace becomes selfless service, a unique and holy act frees us to serve others with love without expecting anything in return, following the faithful example of the beloved Jesus.

Finally, grace also allows for edifying communication. Ephesians 4:29 reaffirms, "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." Sanctifying grace is also manifested in the way we communicate. As women of God, when we edify and encourage each other with our words, we show grace to those who listen to us.

In conclusion, beloved sisters, God's grace is essential in every healthy and fruitful relationship. There is an indisputable need to apply it in our personal, family, and spiritual interactions so that we can all experience the fullness of love and peace that comes from God. From now on, may this exclusive favor from the Heavenly Father inspire us to live in grace and to always reflect it in each of our relationships. Let us ask ourselves daily, “Does the grace of the Holy Spirit accompany us and unify us all the time?”

Written by Michelle J. Goff, Founder and Director of Iron Rose Sister Ministries

One young girl dreamed of how her wedding day would be and described the perfect groom to her friend. The other girl, surrounded by baby dolls, simply shook her head, and declared that she didn’t care what he looked like, “As long as I can have one hundred babies.”

Neither of these girls’ expectations were very realistic, but they were deeply believed. Have you ever believed something so clearly, so definitively that you were shocked or saddened by a reality that did not align with your expectations?

We do this in relationships. I clearly and definitively remembered sending that text and expected my friend to respond quickly. After a day had passed with no answer and I prepared to write her my own heated response, I realized that I had never hit send on the original message.

We do this on a larger scale. My friend expected that the friendship she and her sister shared as children would continue into adulthood, living on the same block, sharing lives, leftovers, and everything! But your imagination can fill in the blank about why that relationship expectation did not become reality…

Relationship expectations can be short-term, long-term, on a small scale, on a larger scale, on a superficial level, or on a deeper level.

What expectations have you had in your relationship with friends? …with family? …with coworkers or classmates? …with Christian sisters? …with the church?

What happens when others don’t meet those expectations? Or, to flip it around, what happens when we don’t meet their expectations?

Some expectations are good, healthy, and right. We grow from them. Teachers talk about challenging students to rise to meet expectations—not just academic ones, but in the formation of their students’ character.

Other expectations are bad, unhealthy, and wrong. We are crushed by them. Social media has been utilized to establish unrealistic and damaging expectations for us, fueled by comparison and deception. Ugh!

Before we crumble under the weight of others’ expectations, allow me to offer a reminder of beautiful, scriptural expectations that did come true… but maybe not as originally anticipated…

For the Jews who expected the King of a new Kingdom, we can listen through their ears of anticipation, under oppressive Roman rule. “Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever” (Is. 9:7 NIV).

Even though prophecy proclaimed what to expect, the Jews became confused in their interpretation of the expectations. They wanted an earthly king. And before we become harsh in our judgment of them, think of how your expectations might change after a 400-year wait.

Joyfully, we recognize, on this side of the resurrection, what Christ told Pilate, nearing His crucifixion. “Jesus said, ‘My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jewish leaders. But now my kingdom is from another place’” (John 18:36).

Amen! I am grateful for His Kingdom which exceeds our expectations and is more relational than contractual!

It is easy for me, like the Jews in hungry anticipation of a savior, to project my own expectations on God—what I need saving from or how I need a savior that day. The longer I wait, the more demanding I may become. For good or for ill, anticipation intensifies expectations.

In our relationship with God and our relationships with one another, we expect what we want to happen rather than wait for what we believe truly will happen. We create our own version of a future reality that is never realized. And then, we are deeply disappointed.

As our Creator, Heavenly Father, Redeemer, and Friend, God can handle our expectations and our disappointments. As our Comforter, He gently guides us to turn over all our expectations to Him—the One who can transform them to align with the desires of His heart (Ps. 37:4).

Therefore, I invite us to trust in the One who has always had our best interest at heart, and who will always meet our expectations. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb. 13:8). Warning: God may have to adjust our expectations along the journey.

God will never forsake us. His Word is true, and His promises never fail.

God loves us to incomprehensible extremes (John 3:16-18).
Jesus is preparing a place for us (John 14:2-3).
He longs to dwell with us now, eternally, through His Spirit (Acts 2:38).

What relationship expectations are entrapping you currently—with God or with others?
How can you find freedom in the truth in one of God’s promises and consistently fulfilled expectations?

Written as an interview between Michelle J. Goff and Johanna Zabala, Iron Rose Sister Ministries Volunteer in Venezuela

       1. Michelle: When you think of small groups, what comes to mind?

Johanna: Today, I consider small groups as very important in our significant relationships. They allow us to interact and learn from one another. Each teaching or learning through these relationships reminds me of the moment when our beloved Lord Jesus selected His disciples with a holy purpose (Mark 3:16-19).

Every relationship brings different learnings and lessons. For me, interpersonal relationships develop internal confidence and trust, and each person in the group develops distinct connections with those around them.

Since creation (Gen. 1-2), when our Heavenly Father said, “Let us,” He gave us the best original example of connection, unity, and a team.

       2. Michelle: What would be some examples of small groups that have this type of connection, unity, or that work in a team today?

Johanna: We are always interacting and learning in our everyday lives. The family fulfills a paramount function in relationships since it is the trigger for ongoing communication. It is through the interaction with those in our environment that provides the opportunity to know and understand the exchange of experiences, knowledge, feelings, and actions for growth.

Within my own routines, I have discovered how useful and necessary it is to be able to count on my support groups and friendships in the various areas of my life. My own family is an example of a small group. My husband has an important role as the leader in our joint direction as a couple, and the direction of our children. Also, as a family, we serve as a group and individually in the church and secular functions.

       3. Michelle: Now that you’ve mentioned how a family can serve as a small group in the church, what other small groups do you know in the church?

Johanna: In the church and other life experiences, small groups are visible in every ministry. Activities are rolled out that are very well structured, as God set in order. Small groups are what work together to realize their results.

Specifically, I love the work with Sunday school classes. Even though they may seem simple, they are to be highly regarded. As a group of teachers, together with the parents, united in the Lord’s purpose, we focus on preparing the child or teen that will later become an adult and will form part of his or her own small group, collaborating in the Lord’s great work.

Then, I love and value my ladies’ prayer groups. Connection is based on direct communication with our Creator. But here, not praying individually but rather as a team, we learn to know each other more in love, forgiveness, and friendship as the Lord commands.

       4. Michelle: I remember that you have a lot of experience with special needs children. I think this can illustrate the grace that we should extend in small groups.

Johanna: Yes. On a secular level, God Himself has granted me education and experience in this branch of psychopedagogy (the psychological study of teaching). For years now, along with the great privilege of being His daughter, on various occasions I have been entrusted with the care and charge of various small groups of children with special education needs.

Those students did not all learn in the same way, at the same time, or at the same rhythm. But they did learn and achieve their scholastic requirements. This prompted me to pray for wisdom, and by loving them in this way, together we could achieve significant learning according to their academic needs.

All of this strengthened the relevance of my friendships in small groups and the transcendental nature of relationships—personal, family, and social—toward the understanding of our expanded communication.

       5. Michelle. True! I agree completely. And if you allow me to share an example… I apply the same concept to my sisters in Christ, those with whom I have shared in small groups: Martha likes it when everything is organized and spelled out in detail. That’s how she communicates. Sue prefers that you give her the overall plan and a green light to do her part. Lisa wants everything to be done with a little song. What a blessing when I learn from their different perspectives and communication styles, whether we are meeting in a small group to pray and study the Bible together, or when we are planning a children’s class together.

       6. Michelle: Sister Johanna, thank you for the illustrations from your own life. Is there anything else you want to share in conclusion?

Johanna: We can see that the congregations of the Churches of Christ [particularly in Latin America and some in the U.S.] are not very large in number. However, we do have love and brotherhood throughout the world, which leads me to understand that united together we are great, to the glory of our Heavenly Father. In whichever of our small groups, it is important to know that we listen to get to know each other, help each other, love, forgive, and persevere with one another in what we believe for the preservation of our souls.

In what small groups are you currently active in your own congregation? Let’s celebrate them!

Written by Alina Stout, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Oklahoma

It is no secret that Jesus was close to the family of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus (Luke 10, John 11-12). He was with them through a great trial in their life, and His faithfulness to them led to their devoted thankfulness to Jesus.

Mary and Martha lost their brother Lazarus to an illness. They asked Jesus to come and heal Lazarus, but Jesus waited to come until after He learned that Lazarus died. He did not arrive at Mary and Martha’s house in Bethany until four days after Lazarus had passed (John 11:1-17).

In their moment of grief, Jesus was there for Mary and Martha in the unique way that each of them needed Him as they grieved over Lazarus. They each expressed their faith in Jesus even though it was being tested by inner conflict.

Martha expressed to Jesus her battle between her faith and her grief. “If you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you” (John 11:22, ESV). Jesus revealed a truth about Himself to Martha in response to her faith and challenged her to go one step further. He said, “I am the resurrection and the life …Do you believe this?” and she replied, “Yes, Lord; I believe” (John 11:25-27).

Mary expressed to Jesus only sorrow, revealing her grieved frustration that she knew Jesus could have done something to prevent this. “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:32). Jesus was “deeply moved in his spirit” by her weeping and He wept with her (John 11:33-35).

Jesus was their friend in the moment they needed Him most. But as the Messiah, Jesus was able to raise their brother Lazarus from the dead!

Mary and Martha each showed their gratitude to their friend and Lord Jesus in different ways.

Martha showed Jesus gratitude by preparing a dinner for Him and His disciples. Her dinner in honor of Him was an expression of the faith that she had in Him. It is the way that she could give back to Jesus for the new life that He gave to her brother. She sacrificed her personal time and effort in order to serve Him (John 12:2).

Mary showed Jesus gratitude in a way that was also a sacrifice for her–almost a year’s wages worth of sacrifice. She anointed the feet of Jesus with expensive perfume and wiped His feet with her hair (John 12:3). Mary understood that Jesus is the source of all life. What did she lack? Nothing. When Mary sacrificed a costly perfume bottle, one that could have given her financial security if Lazarus died or could have been used for a future dowry, she chose to give it up out of gratitude for the Resurrection and the Life who will sustain her every need.

Mary and Martha each put Jesus above themselves out of faith and gratitude. They offered their personal sacrifice on Jesus’ behalf because they recognized Him as the Resurrection and the Life. If Jesus is life, then they wanted their life to honor Jesus.

Like Mary and Martha, we get to have a relationship with our Friend and our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. When we face trials, Jesus is there with us. He is emotionally present with us like He was with Mary. He guides us to knowledge in the truth like He did with Martha. He is present with us like a friend, but He is also our Lord. And when we overcome our trials with Jesus by our side, we are beyond grateful!

Our gratitude to our friend and our Lord and Savior oftentimes looks like sacrifice. It sure did for Mary and Martha! Out of our thankfulness for the life that Jesus has given us, our response is to devote our lives to Him.

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship” (Rom. 12:1).

Think about how you can devote your life to Jesus as a living sacrifice. What do you have that you can offer to Jesus? What are you willing to give up for Jesus?

Think about how you can encourage your Iron Rose Sisters to join you in your living sacrifice. Mary and Martha might have shown gratitude in their unique ways, but they showed their gratitude together at the same dinner. Is there any way that you can partner with your Iron Rose Sisters by offering your unique methods of gratitude together?

Written by Wendy Neill, Advancement Coordinator for Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Arkansas

I grew up in a thriving church of around 3,000 people. When I tell people that, they often say, “I don’t like big churches. It’s too hard to get to know people.” Yes, it is impossible to get to know that many people. Those who only come to a large assembly on Sunday morning don’t grow very much in their faith. That’s why it is important to “think small.”

GoodFaithMedia estimates there are about 2.6 billion followers of Christ in the world today. How did Jesus start this worldwide movement? One by one, and through small groups. While Matthew was sitting in his tax office, “Jesus said to him, ‘Follow Me.’ So he[Matthew] arose and followed Him” (Matt. 9:9 NKJV). He called out to Simon Peter and Andrew as they were going about their daily work of fishing. “Follow Me, and I will make you become fishers of men" (Mark 1:17).

Gradually, Jesus surrounded Himself with a group of disciples. We don’t know how many. After spending some time with them, He talked with His Father and made a focused decision.

One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God. When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated apostles. (Luke 6:12-13 NIV)

With this small group of twelve, Jesus changed the world. He had other disciples who followed Him, including women (Mark 15:41), and He preached to and healed large crowds of people. But He gave special teaching, care, and insight to these twelve. He explained parables to them, He sent them out with miraculous powers, and He went through storms with them. He focused on the twelve because He knew they would each disciple others, even after He left this earth. And it worked. His teachings spread like wildfire.

Within that group of twelve, He had three that were His inner circle: Peter, James, and John. He kept them closest in His moments of need. When He knew His death was drawing near, He took those three up to a high mountain. They had the privilege of witnessing the appearance of Elijah and Moses, encouraging Jesus to remain strong and finish His mission (Matt. 17). On that dreadful night before He was betrayed into the hands of the Pharisees, He had a special “Last Supper” with all twelve. He prayed for them, gave them some final instructions in John 13-17, and took them to Gethsemane so He could pray for strength. But in that final stretch, He only took the three with Him.

We can follow this same pattern in our relationships. My childhood faith was nourished in that big church through small group relationships. Adults taught my fourth-grade class. A young couple taught us as seventh-grade girls. My youth group numbered 200, but I had a group of about twelve close friends. We served orphans in Jamaica, built a Sunday school classroom for a poor church in south Texas, and encouraged each other in our faith. As an adult, I have had small group studies with college students or other adults in my home. And I have two or three women that I can call any time to pray for me or to walk with me through a hard time.

There are so many ways that we can seek to be like Christ. One of them is to think small. Small groups allow you to share your heart and to get beyond the pleasantries.

Are you part of a formal or informal small group of Christians? Do you have three women in your life who help you grow? If not, I encourage you to seek out and cultivate those relationships with other disciples. They are your “Iron Rose Sisters”!

Written by Elina Vath, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Ohio

I have tried to sit down and write multiple times. I’ve questioned what on earth possessed me to choose the topic of “toxic relationships: personal application” even more. I wouldn’t call what I’m feeling “writer’s block” because it’s more of a “writer’s paralysis.” Describing what God has taught me through my experience with toxic relationships means digging in holes that are filled in and covered with grass. It means going to places where I never wanted to return.

But Jesus. My mind goes to Him.

Jesus doesn’t get to forget His relationship with those knowledgeable men in fancy robes who were supposed to back Him up and demanded He be murdered instead. He doesn’t get to forget that one of His closest friends sold Him out for a small satchel of coins. Rather, Jesus ensured that these toxic relationships are documented multiple times, by multiple people—and preserved over the centuries for millions to know.

The pool of evidence that Jesus was on the receiving end of toxicity from those around Him is extensive.

No one knows narcissism, manipulation, deceit, and treachery like Jesus. Those of us who have front-row experience with any or all of these forms of dysfunction can claim that the One we follow knows exactly how it feels. We serve the God-man who sees our suffering, the betrayal, and the hurt, and empathizes. If nothing else I write about gives comfort, let this be it: When we approach Him in prayer, talk to Him, and pour our hearts out to Him, He feels our pain and then promises to give us peace that is beyond understanding.

But what about me?

We live in a fallen world where we are constantly navigating toxicity in our relationships. And none of us are guiltless of exhibiting toxic behaviors. We have all said or done things of a toxic nature. Maybe you were the instigator, maybe you were reacting to something that hurt you. Whatever the situation, identifying your own toxic traits is a huge part of the healing process. I can say for myself that growing and deciding, “I’m not who I used to be,” has been empowering. So, embrace the power of God to transform you, and relish in being someone different now—someone who resembles Jesus a little more.

But they haven’t changed.

There are times when toxic relationships cannot be cut out of your life entirely. When this happens, the healing process will happen again. And again. And again. Because the hurting, manipulation, etc., will not stop. But remember, you have changed. You see through the toxicity. You have changed the patterns of your behavior. You don’t process the daggers the same way you used to, and they don’t have the same effect on you anymore. Don’t let the repeated negative experiences wear you down. Instead, see them as opportunities to get stronger, to build your character. You will see that, in time, the healing will come more quickly.

But I’m weak sometimes.

I hear you, sister. We’ll both take steps back. We’ll both have moments when we revert back to the way we used to be. But hang on. You’ll get better at catching yourself. Laying your weakness at God’s feet means He’ll give you what you need in exchange. Don’t get discouraged in moments of weakness. God doesn’t run out of mercy and grace, and He loves it when you come to Him for help.

My heart goes out to you. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt. Cheering you on as you heal!