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Written by Deanna Brooks, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Arkansas
“I forgive you… and I love you!” What sweet words when sin has created a breach in a relationship!
Forgiveness comes from our Heavenly Father. Even before the world was created, He knew forgiveness and reconciliation would be part of the plan (Eph. 1:4; 2 Tim. 1:9).
In Exodus 34:6-7 we read one of the earliest descriptions of our God, “… merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin” (ESV). God’s desire to forgive is part of who He is—it’s part of His character. It is why He sent Jesus to earth and why Jesus was willing to die for our sins.
When the disciples asked Jesus to teach them to pray, part of the prayer he taught them was, “… forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us” (Luke 11:4). We ask God to forgive us—but that means we must also have a heart to forgive others.
In Colossians 3:13 Paul wrote, “… bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
When Jesus was teaching His disciples, Peter asked Him how often he should forgive someone, then suggested, “’Seven times?’ Jesus replied, ‘Seventy times seven’” (Matt. 18:21-22).
The Jews looked back to Amos 2:6 and concluded that they were only required to forgive three times. By asking Jesus if seven was enough, Peter had more than doubled the traditional limit, using a number that in those times symbolized completion or perfection rather than a literal limit to how many times we are to forgive.
Forgiveness from God is unlimited when a person is repentant.
Two things to remember:
When I forgive, the person may or may not accept it.
When I ask for forgiveness, the person may or may not give it.
Either way, I have done what God wants me to do.
When I forgive, it takes away my anger and resentment. It means I no longer focus on the sin or hurt, and I may choose to forgive, even if the person has not asked for forgiveness. We live in a world where there are unintentional slights and hurts, and sometimes the offender is totally unaware of how his actions are received.
When I am forgiven, it means the person no longer holds me accountable for those actions.
However, forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. There may be consequences that can’t be repaired. Some things can never be fixed. The relationship may never go back to what it has been.
That is where our God is different. When He forgives, our sin is forgotten, and the relationship with us as His child, which He intended from the beginning, is restored.
Having a forgiving heart does not mean overlooking sin and brushing it aside. It may mean we confront the person, in love. Galatians 6:1 reads, “If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.”
We have a responsibility to watch out for others and confront them as Nathan did David (2 Sam 12). We all need a friend who will come to us if they see us doing something that will separate us from God.
The ultimate goal of forgiveness is to be able to return to a holy relationship with our Heavenly Father.
When we pray for forgiveness from our Father, let’s never forget that this forgiveness cost Jesus pain, suffering, and death. That’s how much we are loved!
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Written by Liliana Henríquez, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Colombia
In the same way that a sheet of paper can take on different shapes as origami figures, interpersonal relationships can be shaped in different ways according to the expectations we have. Naturally, we expect the people with whom we relate to have characteristics that are similar to ours: the same values, same points of view, liking the same things, etc. However, this is not always the case. In the course of my adult life, I have had friends who have only stayed next to me for certain seasons of my life, and other friends that I still have and with whom I maintain a close friendship. I've had friendships that I've had to let go of because we were not on the same page anymore and it was better to go our separate ways like Paul and Barnabas in Acts 15.
Expectations not only apply at the level of friendships and couples, but also in ministry and work life. I believe that it is valid to accept that sometimes we grow in different directions, that we have different personalities, and that, as a wise Spanish proverb says, “Cada cabeza es un mundo,” or “Every head is a world.” The most important thing is that we learn to have realistic expectations, know how to communicate with others so that the relationship is strengthened, avoid idealizing people, and be aware that regardless of the type of relationship we have, our essence should not change. We are Christians and above all, love and respect must prevail.
We are light and we must shine. (Matt. 5:14)
We are salt and we must give flavor. (Matt. 5:13)
We have the Holy Spirit, and we must bear Its fruit. (Gal. 5:22-23)
I know it hurts to leave friendships and relationships that we thought would last longer. But it is important to know how to identify when we are no longer the right companion for someone and when someone is not right for us because, in the end, we likely would end up hurting each other. The first priority should always be to fix or restore the friendship or relationship, but if after working through that whole process, harmony between both parties is not achieved, it is best to say goodbye.
It is important to choose wisely the people who will accompany us in the different seasons of our lives. When developing relationships, some healthy expectations that we should have, are with nurturing people who:
- Bring out the best in us.
- Bring us closer to God.
- Rejoice in our successes.
- Support us in our saddest moments.
"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is there for times of trouble." (Prov. 17:17 ISV)
I want to continue developing relationships with people who, regardless of our different shapes and personalities, allow me to maintain my Christian essence. I want to continue being light, salt, and bearing the fruit of the Holy Spirit in all my relationships. And you? What are your expectations at a relational level?