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Icky, sticky, mucky. Those were the three adjectives I used to describe a hot, humid summer day. And a friend who overheard my description decided that those words could also be used to describe a challenging relationship she was navigating. Just as the heaviness of the humid air required extra effort to walk even a short distance, my friend was weighted down by every step she tried to take to move forward in the relationship.

What do we do when we are faced with a sticky and challenging friendship? What if another person has become the “thorn in our flesh”?

Multiple examples throughout Scripture illustrate that there is no one right answer for every situation. God asked Hosea to return to Gomer after her continued unfaithfulness. Yet Paul and Barnabas agreed that it was best to go their separate ways in order that neither’s mission to preach the gospel was thwarted (Acts 15:36-41).

Jesus had His share of sticky relationships, but what He always kept at the forefront of His mind was His Father’s will. Jesus knew how to handle each person He came into contact with because He was in constant communication with His Father.

Not sure what to say or how to defend yourself? The Holy Spirit will give you the words (Luke 12:11-12).
Not sure whether to speak up or keep silent? If it is in defense of someone who can’t speak for themselves, say something! (Prov. 31:8-9; James 1:27) If it is in attack of someone else, keep quiet (Prov. 16:27).
Unsure how to avoid being angry at someone? Be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19).
Wishing you could tell others about how “sticky” someone else is? Hold your tongue. It’s gossip and destructive (Prov. 16:28).

Notice how much of the biblical advice about challenging relationships have to do with the tongue. James 3 reminds us that it is a powerful muscle and a powerful force. Blessing and cursing both come from it, which is unhealthy for the speaker and the hearer. James follows his warnings about the tongue with an admonition to seek godly wisdom.

Godly wisdom is the key to managing the tongue and handling sticky relationships. My prayer for each of us today is that God will fill us with His wisdom to know how to navigate both. Spend some extra time in prayer and in the Word, seeking godly wisdom for how to deal with the sticky people in our lives. And don’t forget to look in the mirror and make sure you aren’t being the sticky one!

P.S. Please do not mishear what I am saying in this post as permission for someone to be physically, emotionally, verbally, or even spiritually abusive to someone else. If you are in an abusive relationship, speak up, ask for help, and pray for a way to get out of the situation. You are loved. You are prayed for. And you are not alone. God loves you too much for you to continue to be hurt in that relationship. And God loves that other person more than you do, leave it to Him to be the Rescuer and Redeemer. Trust that He wants what is best and healthiest for both of you.

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Written by Deanna Brooks, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Searcy, AR.

Working with others in a group can be a prickly situation at times, especially if one or two have the tendency to take charge. Recently I was reading through a journal and came upon some memories where I wrote this scripture:

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 12:18).

We were a close-knit group of mothers who had worked well together on many events as our children grew up. This meeting was to plan one of the biggest events of their school year experiences. 

The mother who had asked me to chair the meeting said she wanted to say something first, so with my “OK,” she and another mother took over. 

Our events had always been planned by group discussion and sometimes a vote, but these two mothers already had the theme chosen and were telling everyone what we would do. As I looked around the table, I could see it was not setting well with some of the moms... confusion... irritation... and three or four got up and left. One whispered to me it was obvious she was not needed. 

Their ideas were good, but the way they were being presented could lead to friction. When they finished, one said, “Oops, we talked so long, no one else had a chance. Hope y’all like our plan!” I lingered after most left, and one asked if I knew why some left during the meeting. 

Both ladies teared up when they realized that others thought they had “hijacked” the meeting and there was the potential for hard feelings. Their ideas had been very good, and “taking over” had not been their intent...they had just been together one day, and ideas began flowing, and they wanted to share them. 

I told them they could count on me and suggested they call the other mothers and ask for suggestions and what they wanted to do to help. It was a progressive dinner, so there were four houses with different foods and decorations. 

Our dinner was a wonderful success, and the kids loved it. It went smoothly because:

1. The two ladies made phone calls, apologizing for “taking over” in their excitement to share ideas.

2. Both “sides” stepped back and listened to the others.

3. No one made demands.

1 Corinthians 13:4 reminds us love does not insist on its own way. 

Working in a group with others can be challenging, because of personalities involved. Some people just naturally take charge, and others prefer to sit back and do what they are assigned. 

Working together means remembering Philippians 2:3, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” 

When we remember that whatever we do, we should “work heartily, as for the Lord, not for men” (Colossians 3:23), it makes keeping our eyes on the ultimate goal easier and provides for a smoother relationship within the group. 

Let us enjoy the fellowship of working together, so Satan gains no foothold (Ephesians 4:27) in our relationships.