Written by Rianna Elmshaeuser, Volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Colorado
I used to have a job for the state of Colorado, where I went to various courthouses in a judicial district and typed out hearings and trials at the highest levels of criminality. I will not go into detail, but I heard the worst of what humans do to one another. I sat in the courtroom with evil regularly. I am a sensitive person, and this job of eight years took an extreme toll on my soul and mental health. When I left that job, I was in bad shape. I would spend my evenings drowning out my thoughts with television, YouTube, or whatever noise I could find. There was no peace in my mind. Many a night, I would weep alone in the dark. I found it difficult to exist in a world where there was such evil.
Today, I am in a much better place. I have a relationship and connection with God and others that I never dreamed possible. I still suffer some of the effects of that job on occasion, which causes a loved one to sometimes comment that they wish I had never had that job. The funny thing is, I do not wish that. In fact, I am grateful for it.
It was that work that forced me to wrestle with deep questions about God and the things He allows to happen. It caused me to focus on the things that matter when it comes to sharing Jesus with people. It opened my eyes to the reality that while we sit in our little churches and bicker about how the communion trays are passed and whether the doors in the back are opened or closed during services, the Enemy is ravaging the world just outside our doors, and much of the time, we are doing nothing about it. That work gave me a passion for those who have no one in their life who has ever shown them true, real love—Jesus’ love.
I left that job in 2019 and went back to school. This past fall, I started the second year of my Master’s in Mental Health Counseling. I have enough experience now (though not much) that I can say with confidence that it is the work God created me to do. I am learning skills to help people heal, learn how to be loved, and find God in suffering. I have done a significant amount of healing myself on this journey. I would never have found any of the beautiful relationships I have today if I had never had that job.
James 1:2-4 says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (NIV).
These verses do NOT mean we must be happy when going through hard seasons and situations. I now know that this means that we should consider it joy because our trials will be productive. When we are enduring unbearable pain and suffering, God is with us in the thick of it, and He is bringing about growth.
My hard times did not end when I left my State job. 2024 was another year of great heartache and loss. But as I endured this season, I knew that from it, God would bring about greater blessings in my heart and my life. I have already begun to see the growth in myself, and I know that more is still to come. While none of us ever wishes for trials of any kind, we can consider them joy when they do come, because we know God is with us, for us, and growing us through the pain.
