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Written by Melissa Lindsey, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Colorado
My name is Melissa Lindsey and this is my journey to motherhood through adoption and more importantly, through faith. My husband and I have been married since 2014. Our marriage has been filled with adventures in traveling and has been met with its share of joy, challenges, and adversity. Our faith in God has served as a compass to guide us through times of uncertainty, unemployment, and infertility. In 2015, we became deeply interested in the idea of having a family of our own. Unfortunately, it was easier said than done.
From 2015-2017, we faced unemployment where Berdell had to re-invent himself and embark on a whole new career and I discovered I had stage 4 endometriosis and uterine fibroids. In 2016, I underwent surgery and had a myomectomy performed to remove my extremely large fibroids. By 2018, the fibroids returned with such aggressiveness that it was endangering my health and I was forced to have an emergency hysterectomy. Doctors were shocked I had been living with such an immense amount of pain for so long; they had never seen a case like mine before. The fibroids had attached themselves to my colon, bladder, and the endometriosis had completely destroyed my ovaries and fallopian tubes. Like any couple who dreamed of having children of their own, this was a devastating outcome that came with mourning and depression. To say I was not angry or not angry at God, would be a lie. As a former school counselor of 13 years, I have seen my fair share of children who go home to environments that are unstable: children who face different forms of abuse at the hands of the ones who are supposed to love and protect them. Yet here I was: childless, broken, and damaged. Did God find me unworthy? Too broken to bear a child in His image?
My husband was the one who brought up the idea of adoption. I was half invested in his suggestion; still hanging onto the hope that God would make a way and I would be pregnant. It was during this time I started a deep dive into social media and came across several stories from adoptees and adoptive parents who had situations similar to ours. This is where I found the adoption agency we would eventually use, Faithful Adoption Consultants. They are a Christian based organization located in Georgia. I loved their message and loved listening to the stories from families who adopted through them. We officially became active with FAC in January of 2020 and started receiving profiles of expectant mothers looking to place their unborn babies for adoption. I leaned on my husband, our faith, and scripture during this time; particularly Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV, “Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and he will make your paths straight.” Our belief in the power of the Lord was definitely needed, because as soon as we signed on the dotted line that we wanted to be FAC clients, the requests for payment from every person who would play a part in bringing our baby home, started rolling in. There was no one else, but God, who could have made it possible to raise enough funds needed to adopt, down to the very last cent. Several times we questioned if we made the right decision; were we crazy? We’re just two educators with modest means embarking on one of our wildest adventures yet!
While we were incredibly blessed to have overwhelming support from family, friends, and even strangers. Our road to parenthood was not what we anticipated. While we thought we knew how we’d get to our destination, the reality is, the journey wasn’t what we expected. Our adoption experience didn’t come without some scars and struggles along the way. People unfamiliar with adoption do not understand the mere exhaustion of the process; the strain it imposes on your mind, body, and relationships. The number of hoops you have to jump through with different state agencies to determine if you’re fit to raise this beautiful child. Then there’s the waiting. Waiting to finally be chosen by an expectant mother. Praying each night this woman who’s making one of the hardest decisions of her life, will ultimately choose you to love her precious baby forever. Finally, there’s the one thing hopeful adoptive parents don’t like to talk about and are often too scared to bring it up – disrupted adoptions. Disrupted adoptions are often adoptions where a birth parent chooses to parent the child upon the child’s birth. My husband and I went through this experience twice.
How do you grieve someone that never really belonged to you? These sweet babies that I loved for months will never know me. They will never know how hard I prayed for them and their mothers. Even though I never got to hold or feel these babies kick, they grew in our hearts and will forever be a part of our family. I went to a very dark place within myself during this loss. I struggled to process it all. Adoption is hard. Excruciatingly hard. Even though my heart felt like it had been ripped from my body, if a birth mother chooses to parent, that’s not a failure. While we mourned those losses, we fell deep into God’s Word, trusting the One who has the whole world in His hands. His love is steadfast. His promises are faithful. He brings redemption out of brokenness. “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us” (Rom. 8:18). A week later, we received word a young expectant mom and her mother had chosen us to parent her baby after reading our profile. Despite our faith being severely tested, we always knew that God had a plan for us all along! Our greatest blessing was born September 30, 2020.
It is evident that adoption is close to the heart of Christ and should be central to the mission of Christians worldwide. When we receive our Lord by faith, we have the honor of becoming His children. Throughout scripture, there are verses that tell of our spiritual adoption and how we are adopted into His family. “In love He predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will…” (Eph. 1:5). We are all equals in the eyes of God. In adoption, every child is worthy of being part of a family, just as He has called us worthy to be His daughters forever. God wants this father-child relationship. He delights to provide for and protect His children. I can always rely on Him. There’s a verse I read every day during our period of waiting, Psalms 73:26, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” God is my portion, He is enough. He was my portion when I was overwhelmed with worry and when we were going through hard situations. He was my portion before we adopted our baby girl and He continues to be what I need each and every day.
#IronRoseSister #HIStories #adoption #adopted #daughtersofGod #faith #guestwriter #blog
Written by Therese Martin, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Washington
My great-granddaughter Ava had been spending the day with “the Nanapapa”. That’s her name for us; not “Nana and Papa”, oh no! We are The Nanapapa, a sort of combined source of hugs and treats and vanilla ice cream. The day was over, and her daddy came to pick her up after work.
“Daddy!” she squealed, running full speed into his legs and wrapping her arms around his knees. He didn’t fall over; he just reached down and picked her up in a loving embrace. She started telling him about her day, and asking if they could stop at her favorite fast-food place on the way home. She was a happy little girl!
I started to wonder; as daughters of God, are we as excited about our Father in heaven as Ava was about her daddy? Spiritually speaking, how often do we do that? How often do we run excitedly towards God, our loving Father, our Abba…our Daddy? How often do we fling our arms around His knees and let Him know we’re so glad to be with him? To be able to bring Him our problems and just say how much we love Him?
As we age, our lives change. We aren’t little girls any more. We are young women, then new brides, then mothers, then busy women juggling full time work, school age children, and maybe caring for our parents. We’re so busy! Then we are older, with all the physical pain that sometimes brings, and often emotional pain as well. We can’t even imagine running!
When we think of ourselves as daughters of God, we forget that he is God of time and space as well as heaven and earth. When we talk to Him, it’s with all the burdens of our present, serious, grown-up selves. It’s the 40, or 50, or even 70-year-old self that comes to talk to her Father, not the four-year-old!
But to God, we are still the four-year-old! Fifty or sixty years was just a second ago. He doesn’t see the wrinkles or sagging skin. That’s just the outfit we are wearing at the moment. He sees the shiny new soul He just made a second ago. To Him, we are His precious little girl. He’s a very proud, excited father who loves to talk with us at every opportunity.
Let’s look at the Easy Reader’s Version of the New Testament for a simplified rendering of that important lesson from Jesus:
““And when you pray, don’t be like the people who don’t know God. They say the same things again and again. They think that if they say it enough, their god will hear them. Don’t be like them. Your Father knows what you need before you ask him. So this is how you should pray: ‘Our Father in heaven, we pray that your name will always be kept holy. We pray that your kingdom will come— that what you want will be done here on earth, the same as in heaven. Give us the food we need for today. Forgive our sins, just as we have forgiven those who did wrong to us. Don’t let us be tempted, but save us from the Evil One.’” (Matthew 6:6-13 ERV)
We have turned that simple process into a rote, memorized formula. What if we look at those principles of prayer from the perspective of a little girl who really loves her Daddy? What might it sound like? It wouldn’t be formal or serious, that’s for sure.
“Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! There you are! I missed you so much! I love you because you’re so awesome! I wish you were with me all the time so everyone could see you! I wish everyone loved you the way I do! I wish it so much!
Hey, can we get some fries on the way home? I’m really hungry. I want fries every day! Can we have fries every day? Pleeease? Oh, sorry, Daddy, did I step on your foot? I am so sorry I hurted you and gave you an owie, but I love how you always forgive me. I should do that for other people too, huh? Even when I gots an owie? Okay, Daddy, I’ll try. Oh, look, I almost stepped in that hole! Thank you, Daddy, for lifting me up so I didn’t fall. You always take good care of me. You are so wonderful and I love you so much! You’re the bestest daddy forever and ever!”
As we get caught up in the hassles of daily life, the demands on our time, family responsibilities, all the blocks and burdens of normal existence, do we forget who we really, really are? Don’t ever forget you’re Daddy’s little girl, who loves Him so very much and can’t wait till it’s time to go home for reals.
#IronRoseSister #HIStories #childofGod #OurHeavenlyFather #Daddysgirl #guestwriter #blog
