Written by Michelle J. Goff, Founder and Director of Iron Rose Sister Ministries 

My youngest sister used to decorate beautiful ceramic mugs for me, but she had to stop this practice because I broke every single one. The last one, she rescued before I could break it. I never broke them intentionally. I used them all the time until my clumsiness or a very hard floor caused them to break.

Thankfully, my relationship with my sister was not dependent on the lifespan of those ceramic mugs. After we have gone through a time of brokenness, our commitment to the relationship, the covenant we have made, has actually been strengthened through the brokenness. (See thevideo on Redefined Identity that we narrated together and that illustrates brokenness.)

Still, we cry when things break. Broken relationships are more painful and evoke many more tears than broken dishes.

When my ex called off the wedding and permanently ended our relationship two and a half months before we planned to walk down the aisle, I was devastated. Not only was the relationship broken, I was broken—shattered in a million pieces and disoriented beyond a simple state of confusion. Brokenness was my constant companion for more than three years.

When a relationship covenant is broken, there are a few things that inevitably happen.

1. We lose trust in people.
2. We lose trust in ourselves.
3. We doubt our trust in God.

Single-again women, especially the divorced or separated, I’m sorry for what you are going through and please know that no matter the stage of your healing process, you are not alone! Also, please hear that you are not going crazy! Broken covenants are messy! And they are not what God has designed.

If your spouse broke covenant with you, I grieve with you. Our God can redeem anything and bring about good, even in the midst of the bad (Rom. 8:28).

If you are the one who broke covenant, please know that God’s redemption and forgiveness are possible (Ps. 103:10-13; Eph. 1:7-8).

If the breaking of covenant was necessary for your safety or that of your children, I applaud your bravery and pray that there are others nearby who are able to walk with you and support you in tangible ways (Ps. 103:6; Is. 61:1-3, 7).

Relationships are at the core of who we are and what define us. We learn and teach through relationships—and not all the lessons are positive. Sometimes we are learning what not to do or attempting to teach something we are unfamiliar with because of our past.

Sisters, one thing that I learned is that no matter how much my trust wavers, God’s love for me does not.

Three key lessons I learned through my season of the broken covenant of relationship:

1. God is eternally faithful and unconditional in His covenant (Lam. 3:22-26; Heb. 13:20-21).
2. God allows people to have free will and I must accept that (Gen. 2:16-17; Rom. 7:15-24).
3. Redemption and healing are possible, but they do take time (1 Pet. 2:24; James 5:16).

As I mentioned, a broken promise in relationship is deeply painful and causes us to doubt whether we can trust the other person in the future. My deeper doubts were whether or not I could trust myself to know whether I was a good judge of character, since I chose to be with someone who later broke his promises.

On many levels, I still respected and loved my ex—to the point that when he made his decision clear, I didn’t fight him on it, nor try to convince him otherwise. In his free will, he had chosen to end the relationship. Thankfully for us, it was before we entered into the covenant of marriage. Yet the brokenness I felt was as if he had broken that level of relationship covenant.

In time, I forgave him, but it was not something I could forget. God accompanied me in my grief. He did so through supportive friends, their prayers, then later my own. God was patient with me while I had to sit in the balcony on the furthest row from the pulpit because my pain level was proportionate to my physical proximity during a Sunday morning service.

God loved me through my obedient worship, going through the motions and not yet “feeling it.” God spoke to me through Bible verses that would appear in my social feeds, in conversations, in Bible study, or in prayer.

Over time, God affirmed a quote a friend had shared early on: “Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Time reveals how God can heal all wounds.” Amen!

Part of my healing has been a deeper level of empathy for others who have faced similar pain. The comfort I have received, I have shared with others (2 Cor. 1:3-6).

It is my prayer that God reveal His eternal faithfulness to such a degree that it overshadows any broken covenant of relationship.

Do you believe? Lord, help us overcome our unbelief.

Written byAnn Thiede, Volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Arkansas

Jesus’s last words on this earth called His disciples to go and make more disciples (Mt 28:19). Doing that is a beautiful, high, and holy calling. It is a common thread in Acts. Peter and John exemplify the calling after being told in so many words not to teach or talk about the name of Jesus: “As for us, we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard” (Ac 4:20 NIV).

Still wet from baptism in November 1972, I had to tell whoever would listen about my new life in Christ! “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come”(2Co 5:17 ESV).

Knowing so little in the Bible, I became the man blind from birth who when healed by Jesus said, “One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!” (Jn 9:25b NIV).

Sharing Christ in those early years might be compared to bubbles from a soda bottle: they just had to come out! So, my first common thread, my rose, became effectively speaking about Jesus to draw others to Him. Four people during college influenced me to seek the truth. As they had done for me, so I wanted to do for others, following in the steps of Christ who said, “Freely you have received; freely give”(Mt 10:8b)

I encountered a few thorns along the way that could interfere: selfishness, procrastination, and fear, causing me to hold back at times and not speak when the Spirit nudged, afraid of what others may think or too preoccupied with daily life to notice people desperate for Christ. 

But greater than these thorns was the desire to become a wise woman, dependent on God, asking Him to lead me to open people and teach me what to say. So began the third common thread, digging deeper to intentionally speak of faith, desiring to make disciples. Paul spoke practical words in one of his letters: 

Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversations be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.(Col 4:5-6)

I remember going through a scenario in my mind of talking to a woman I knew, asking what was getting in her way of coming to church. No doubt it was Spirit-prompted preparation because the conversation occurred a day later, becoming a great learning experience of asking questions to find out what was in someone’s heart, not assuming nor having to have just the right words, but discovering. 

If we belong to Christ, faith should naturally season what we say. I kept asking God for spontaneous spiritual conversations with friends or strangers. Over time, He has helped me refine the approach, often beginning with salty, comfortable conversation and then moving on to a strategic question: “Are you a person of faith?” 

The responses have varied. Some “yes!“ A few “no.” Many veering toward church. All opening a door. The Spirit has helped me steer toward Jesus — His words and His great love for them as well as His impact on my life. I found pocket-sized Gospels of John on Amazon, carrying a few in my purse or carry-on if flying. I still remember the response of a man who I gave one to after a very salty conversation about our lives, faith, and Jesus. “So you think I should begin here?” Glory! I’ve earnestly prayed for him and others Jesus has put in my path, that seeds planted are watered and God brings forth a harvest. Paul exhorts us to make the most of every opportunity, “because the days are evil” (Eph 5:16). People desperately need Jesus!

We are all called to make disciples, and God has supplied us with His Word, love, courage, and the Holy Spirit. Will we love others as He has loved us (Jn 13:34)? Do you have a rose, thorn, or effective strategy for disciple making? I’d love to be encouraged or encourage you.