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  • Complicated Relationships

    Written by Aileen Bonilla, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Ecuador2023 01 19 Aileen Bonilla

    Who has not been involved in a complicated relationship? I would dare to say we all have. Jesus was also in middle of these confusing relationships, obviously not because He caused any conflict, but rather because He lived in this fallen world. The reality is that relationships are not complicated, we are the complicated ones.

    Different than us, Jesus had and has all authority to reproach those who have a conflictive heart. Those heart problems will be reflected whenever they open their mouths. He manifested in Matthew 12:34,

    “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”

    The context of this quote is when Jesus cast out a demon from the body of a man who was blind and mute. The Pharisees were always attentive to everything Jesus did in order to accuse Him. They desired, with their whole heart, that Jesus die. This passage is one of the many scenes where the gospels reveal how difficult it was for Jesus to fulfill His ministry here in this world, where everyone was contaminated by evil.

    We shouldn’t be surprised that, at some point, we will find ourselves in the middle of complicated relationships. We should have wise discernment to realize if we are the stumbling block. Just as the Pharisees were trying to tempt Jesus, we will be tempted. And ever since the fall in the garden of Eden, humans have been incapable of relating with others in the right way. We all have different temperaments. But what should be clear is that as Christians, and in spite of those internal conflicts, we do not have the right to treat others badly.

    I remember when I studied gastronomy together with my husband, we met a girl that had kitchen experience. For her, everything we did was wrong. Every time the instructors taught something new, she considered it irrelevant. Also, when she made a mistake, she was incapable of recognizing her error. No one wanted to be near her, since she yelled and made fun of everyone in the group. Those same attitudes in Christians are weighed down by the “old self” (versus the new creation). And that is why we shouldn’t be surprised when there are difficult people in our congregations.

    Proverbs speaks a lot about not aligning ourselves with people who are haughty, arrogant, angry, wise in their own eyes. The reason is because we will become like them. These people typically do not want to be helped. Since they’re already wise in their own eyes, they are hindering the work of God’s Spirit. In spite of being in the midst of these complicated people, Jesus remained blameless, and His Word says that He left us good works, good examples that we should follow (Eph. 2:10).

    The Pharisees constantly attacked Jesus; they couldn’t stand that there was another Teacher better than them, because He taught by example. They were jealous of the Son of God, and this is a grave sentiment that destroys everything in its path.

    The envious person wants everything at any cost, invalidating the other person. The jealous person is in constant competition with others. For this reason, many times, our workplace carries such weight, because there are those who are scheming for ill and pulling others into the situation. Even though we can’t always escape from an environment like this, neither should we be contaminated by it.

    Also, there will be complicated relationships amongst our loved ones, be that children, brothers, sisters, parents, spouse, etc. At any moment, the rope tightens, but to reach that limit, it is because we have let the emotions pass. The emotions are capable of creating an entire theory because we first feel and then think (Goleman, 336). Nevertheless, we are called to be reconcilers to reflect God in our homes and wherever we go.

    At one point in my life, I, too, was a complicated person, because many people had constantly hurt me and I decided back then to close my heart to friendships, to Christian brothers and sisters, and to anyone. I didn’t want to go out; I even suffered from depression. But God, in His infinite wisdom, showed me that in spite of the past hurt, I had to make the effort to leave that state of being. Today, I am much more open to expressing my emotions and letting things flow, always with caution, but by trying to help those who need it. When someone treats me badly, yells at me, offends me, and uses guilt to make me responsible for their emotions, I silently go to the Father, in complete silence, without even shedding a tear. And the Father speaks to me, “Be still, I AM God.”

  • Still and Quiet

    Nila2Written by Nilaurys Garcia, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Canada

    If you ask two people what silence is for them, depending on their stage in life, they could have different meanings. For a mom of young children, it can be a feeling of victory because the kids finally fell asleep or a moment of alarm because they did something mischievous. For some, silence can be moments of peace and for others simply the calm before the storm. In music, a silence is a pause, but it is equally included in the music sheet. In my case it is a time to think, thank and enjoy.

    I learned to love quiet moments when I can read a book or just listen to the wind. I also learned that when I stop, am quiet, and appreciate the silence, I can hear the voice of God. It may be different for you, but silence gives me happiness, it is my time for reflection and listening.

    A couple of years ago I did a month-long study with a friend of Psalm 46:10, which says, "Be still and know that I am God.” Since the moment I read it, I knew that the “be still” part was going to be harder for me. It's not that I'm hyperactive, but I don't like to be doing nothing. It seems a bit unproductive, no offense. I like to multitask and optimize time in the best possible way. You could say that it is hard for me to rest and take breaks. You may have read in another of my stories how this attitude brought me health problems, but I learned (after several failed attempts). I learned and recognized that I had to be still and quiet to connect with God because if my voice was louder than His, I would not be able to hear Him.

    These moments always remind me of the story of Elijah when in 1 Kings 19 the Lord appeared in a gentle whisper, “The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. (1 Kings 19:11-13)

    Whenever I need to make a decision or I am spending conscious time with God, I take a deep breath, close my eyes for a few minutes, and try to hear His voice. You may not be able to do that in a moment when you need God's guidance and you are in a place with many distractions, but if you consciously take two minutes to pay attention, I assure you that you will hear God telling you what to do.

    Personally, I identify that I have made good decisions or that I have let myself be guided when I have no doubts, buts, or fears in my mind. I call this mental noise. When my mind is silent and still (something I already mentioned is hard for me), I am amazed at what I can think. I made a commitment to God and to myself that I would seek moments of silence and to stand still so that He could act in my life rather than act by having Him on the side. It is not the same to lead God in your life than to have your life be led by God. The difference is that in the first sentence you are the main character and in the second God is.

    It amazes me that Elijah knew that the Lord was in the whisper and not in the other signs, although He is in all the moments of our lives and can speak to us in a thousand ways. I invite you to stay still and be quiet to listen to His voice. Practice listening to Him daily and getting rid of the mental noise to hear the whisper, learn from the silence and accept it as a moment of connection and guidance. You may not achieve it on the first try, but I know you can achieve it.

    #IronRoseSister #HIStories #silence #listening #bestill #guestwriter #blog

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