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Written by Kara Benson, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Arkansas
“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him”” (Gen. 2:18). We were not made to be alone. From the beginning of creation, God purposed that people should have companionship. As the poet John Donne observed, “No man is an island.” Instead of intending for us to live in isolation, God designed us to live in community.
“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families…” (Psalm 68:5-6a)
Indeed he has. He has set us in a family of fellow Christians. We should not have to go through life feeling alone because we have been given brothers, sisters, mothers, and children in Christ (Mark 10:29-31).
However, there are many who may be struggling with loneliness. Who might they be?
- An elderly resident living in a nursing home or retirement community
- A mother at home with her children
- A young adult who comes home from work each day to an empty apartment
- Someone who doesn’t have any family members living nearby
- A couple that just moved to the area and doesn’t know anyone in the congregation yet.
How can we help them?
- Visit the elderly and simply spend some time by their side.
- Invite someone to celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas with your family.
- Throw a housewarming party for the young single lady who just bought her first house.
- Call someone who is homebound and listen to their stories.
- Check on a stay-at-home mom and see if you can meet her for coffee – or better yet, if you can bring coffee over to her house and visit with her for a while.
- Plan a weekend fellowship opportunity for young families to get together and get to know the new family in the congregation.
Sisters, I will share with you my personal experience of loneliness. During our second year of marriage, I was working from home on editing a Bible study workbook in Spanish. Aside from my husband and the students I tutored weekly in Spanish, I only saw people on Sunday mornings, Wednesday nights, and when I went to the grocery store. The hours I spent in silence, alone, seemed endless.
Then the pandemic hit.
Thankfully, a congregation in another town continued meeting. We drove up and met with them in the parking lot on Sundays. That was the highlight of my week – seeing their faces and waving to one another through the windows. Watching Hebrews 10:25 lived out was so encouraging to me. There is a reason that God inspired the author to write that command to not forsake the assembly – it is both for the sake of ourselves and for the sake of others. Even though we were singing in our cars and hearing the sermon broadcasted through the radio, we were still able to find a way to assemble and worship truly together.
We belong to one another. Paul writes, “you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household (Eph. 2:19). As members of God’s household in Christ, “we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others” (Rom. 12:5). Has someone helped you feel like you belong? During my season of struggle, a mom from our congregation invited me to breakfast with her and one of her young children, and then to tag along on their grocery shopping trip. While going grocery shopping may seem mundane, it can be made into a ministry opportunity. Her invitation welcomed me to come alongside her and reminded me that I was not alone. What we did together was immaterial; I was grateful for being included in their lives. She made me feel like I belonged, and I hope her simple action will inspire you to do the same for another sister.
#IronRoseSister #HIStories #loneliness #community #oneanother #notaloneinChrist #guestwriter #blog
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Written by Lisanka Martinez, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Venezuela
As a teenager, I heard a story in which a man cheated on his wife with a cousin of hers. Shocked, I discussed it at home and we remembered a family situation from when I was a child: my aunt's husband tried to make her younger sister fall in love with him, who, offended, told her sister, but she did not believe him and preferred to trust the word of her husband. This kept them as enemies for some time and all of us in the family were involved in one way or another. That memory allowed mom to free herself from another memory that she had preferred to hide from us while we were younger: In her family there had been the shameful case of a man who had children with 2 sisters. I couldn't understand it, it seemed so horrible to me. I described the man as a depraved monster and the women as stupid, submissive, fearful, and even scoundrels who accepted that situation for years. Mom tried to justify them due to their ignorance, coupled with fear and loneliness. I was left very confused and reluctant to accept this type of behavior in the middle of the 20th century.
Years later, being a Christian and preparing for some Bible classes, I had the opportunity to learn and analyze a little of Jacob's story. There I found out that he had been married and had children with 2 sisters. What an ugly story for a relevant character in the Bible! Oh! The poor man had been deceived, but why did he continue with her? And poor Rachel, how bad her father had been in making that change. She, as a daughter and a woman, could not disobey him and protest. Poor dear! I hardly even thought about that older sister who was also a main character in that drama. When I thought of Leah, I saw her as the accomplice of the father who had stolen his sister's happiness, perhaps out of selfishness, perhaps because of the tradition of that time that determined that the eldest should marry first. I saw her as a bad guy in that story. In my critical and romantic mind, I reasoned that she should have warned Jacob of the deception so that the marriage would not be consummated and help him plan on how to achieve happiness with his beloved Rachel.
Sometimes we, as humans, want explanations adapted to our understanding of the facts that God shows us in the Bible. We act with such arrogance that we dare to question divine purposes without remembering how fortunate we are that He loves and forgives us. There should be no doubt of that.
Sometime later, preparing a class on domestic violence, I had the opportunity to re-analyze this story. Now, I dedicated myself to thinking in more detail about each character and, of course, I got another perspective on Leah.
Etymologically her name means: tired, languid, melancholic, and hardworking. These four characteristics can define someone who is not happy or appreciated, and who does not have much support, perhaps someone who feels lonely even when surrounded by many people.
Leah was the oldest sister and the first thing that is said about her is that she had "delicate" eyes, for which some authors affirm that she had downcast, sad eyes; perhaps due to some disease. There is no certainty of this, but it is certain that Rachel was more beautiful and vivacious. What a disappointment for Jacob. And what about how Leah felt? Perhaps she was the most disappointed, but she couldn't protest. She could only obey her father.
The Bible tells us that Leah was despised and that she was comforted by God (v.31). Sibling rivalries are common. What is not common is that they stay strong as adults. Let's imagine Leah feeling underestimated and competing with a rival, not only more beautiful but also loved. There is a lot of loneliness in the person who does not receive enough love!
Despite these circumstances, Leah learned to rest and seek comfort in God. This is noticeable in the names that she was choosing for her children. Each name is a wish that her husband stop belittling her, but also that she is sure of having divine favor. We can see in them her personal and intimate relationship with God.
Just as Leah learned to cope with the rivalry with her sister, her husband's lack of love, and her initial loneliness by taking refuge in God and in loving her children, we too can learn to depend solely on divine love, knowing that we must take all our cares to God instead of complaining or being bitter. We can know with certainty that the best option is to rest and trust in God.
It doesn't matter if we are single, married, or single again, loneliness can sometimes creep up on us and bring us negative consequences in our walk with Christ. It can make us feel belittled, worthless, unloved. However, all these are tricks of the enemy.
What can we do when loneliness creeps into our lives? Or when we have unreciprocated love, or we are not valued in our workplace, or we are not taken into account for service in the congregation? Are we going to feel depressed or defeated? Or, on the contrary, will we understand that we are all valuable to God, that we are unique and there is no one exactly the same in the world, that God loves us, sees us, listens to us, and provides for us? Isn't all this a sign that we are not alone?
#IronRoseSister #HIStories #loneliness #Leah #loveofGod #guestwriter #blog