Iron Rose Sister Ministries

Written by Kara Benson, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Arkansas

“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him”” (Gen. 2:18). We were not made to be alone. From the beginning of creation, God purposed that people should have companionship. As the poet John Donne observed, “No man is an island.” Instead of intending for us to live in isolation, God designed us to live in community.

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families…” (Psalm 68:5-6a)

Indeed he has. He has set us in a family of fellow Christians. We should not have to go through life feeling alone because we have been given brothers, sisters, mothers, and children in Christ (Mark 10:29-31).

However, there are many who may be struggling with loneliness. Who might they be?

• An elderly resident living in a nursing home or retirement community
• A mother at home with her children
• A young adult who comes home from work each day to an empty apartment
• Someone who doesn’t have any family members living nearby
• A couple that just moved to the area and doesn’t know anyone in the congregation yet.

How can we help them?

• Visit the elderly and simply spend some time by their side.
• Invite someone to celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas with your family.
• Throw a housewarming party for the young single lady who just bought her first house.
• Call someone who is homebound and listen to their stories.
• Check on a stay-at-home mom and see if you can meet her for coffee – or better yet, if you can bring coffee over to her house and visit with her for a while.
• Plan a weekend fellowship opportunity for young families to get together and get to know the new family in the congregation.

Sisters, I will share with you my personal experience of loneliness. During our second year of marriage, I was working from home on editing a Bible study workbook in Spanish. Aside from my husband and the students I tutored weekly in Spanish, I only saw people on Sunday mornings, Wednesday nights, and when I went to the grocery store. The hours I spent in silence, alone, seemed endless.

Then the pandemic hit.

Thankfully, a congregation in another town continued meeting. We drove up and met with them in the parking lot on Sundays. That was the highlight of my week – seeing their faces and waving to one another through the windows. Watching Hebrews 10:25 lived out was so encouraging to me. There is a reason that God inspired the author to write that command to not forsake the assembly – it is both for the sake of ourselves and for the sake of others. Even though we were singing in our cars and hearing the sermon broadcasted through the radio, we were still able to find a way to assemble and worship truly together.

We belong to one another. Paul writes, “you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household (Eph. 2:19). As members of God’s household in Christ, “we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others” (Rom. 12:5). Has someone helped you feel like you belong? During my season of struggle, a mom from our congregation invited me to breakfast with her and one of her young children, and then to tag along on their grocery shopping trip. While going grocery shopping may seem mundane, it can be made into a ministry opportunity. Her invitation welcomed me to come alongside her and reminded me that I was not alone. What we did together was immaterial; I was grateful for being included in their lives. She made me feel like I belonged, and I hope her simple action will inspire you to do the same for another sister.

#IronRoseSister #HIStories #loneliness #community #oneanother #notaloneinChrist #guestwriter #blog

Written by a volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in the USA 

Singleness: quality or state of being single, unmarried.

This is recent for me. I was married for many years to a warrior for the Lord and lost him to COVID 18 months ago. It feels so strange to try and accept this: I am single.

Paul considers his singleness as a gift from God. In 1 Corinthians 7, he discusses marriage and sex and singleness in verses 1 and 2 (ESV), “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”

A few verses later in verses 6-9 (NIV) Paul says,

I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Why would Paul see singleness as a gift? He explains it in verses 32-34, “I want you to be free from anxieties...” Being single gives us the ability to serve the Lord anywhere in the world, without having to consider whether our mate is also desirous of going to live where we feel called to. We are focused on serving God alone.

But in the beginning, in Genesis 2:18, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” Paul thinks singleness is good so we can fully focus on serving God. But God knew it was not good for everyone.

I asked a good friend to share with me his thoughts on singleness. He was also married for a long time and has now been single longer than I have. He said, “It’s unnatural and it hurts.”

I agree.

God made us male and female for a reason; not just for procreation. Yes, that is a very important reason, to keep mankind alive and growing on this earth, but there is so much more to marriage than having children. After raising my children to adulthood and continuing to have the wonderful gift of marriage for many years, I long to have that relationship again; to have the daily love and support, camaraderie, laughter, physical touch, and just the joint shouldering of the burdens of everyday life together with a mate.

At this moment, a large part of me feels destroyed and empty, like a cherished old home that has been burned out and abandoned. But feelings aren’t facts. I know that I am not abandoned. My Father is always here with me, every minute of every day. When I lost my husband, my Dad in heaven gifted me with a tribe of godly friends who welcomed me (Rom. 15:7), loved me (Rom. 12:10), and encouraged me (Prov. 27:9).My tribe bore my weakness with me(Rom. 15:1-3).

God has also comforted me in surprising ways, like putting it on my heart to make a list of the burdens my husband doesn’t carry anymore. I read this list often and imagine how happy he is in paradise now (Rev. 21:4).

My Father reminds me how very fleeting life on earth in James 4:14b, “What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.” Compared to eternity, our lives here on earth are very short indeed. But they don’t feel short, especially when we are hurting.

I don’t know why God chose to take my husband home, nor how long I will have on this earth yet to live. Right now, the loneliness each night is like a black hole, threatening to swallow me entirely. It feels unnatural to be alone. And it hurts. So, I turn to my “Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction…” (2 Cor. 1:3-4 ESV).

I am still here. I don’t know why, but while I am, I will serve God, and follow His Word the best I can. So, I study about widowhood, “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39).

Singleness and I are not friends. I have begun praying that God will grant me a godly man that I can love, and who will love me—someone to hold hands with as we cross the finish line of life together. For now, I can rest in Him as I wait, reminding myself of this passage often, “Be still and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10).

My Dad in heaven is infinitely better than any earthly father at screening my dates, because He can see into their minds and hearts and knows their intentions. I am confident He will bring me just the right man if I move out of the driver’s seat (which is, frankly, difficult for me!), and instead allow Him to lead.

Singleness can be a great blessing for some. But it is not for everyone. The most important thing in this life is loving and serving our Creator with all our hearts and minds and souls and strength, whether single or married. And one day we can rejoice as we discuss these events together in heaven!