Iron Rose Sister Ministries

Written by Kim Solis, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Mexico and Oregon

It’s not always easy to work with other people. This applies to the workplace, the church, and even the family. We’re all different and have different views and opinions about... well, everything.

When you want to paint the room a certain color, something vibrant to invoke feelings of peace, tranquility or energy, they prefer white, so as not to distract.

When you always arrive early, rearing to go, ready to conquer the task at hand, she saunters in 5 minutes late, bagel in hand, sipping an overflowing cup of coffee.

When you aim to see the whole picture, he hones in on that one specific detail that he just won’t let rest.

I can go on and on.

The truth is, it is much easier to work alone. No one else to have to agree with. No one else to have to put up with.

But guess what? When it comes to your brothers and sisters in Christ, you simply do not have that luxury. Our calling to the Lord may come individually, but it is expected to be lived out collectively.

Colossians 3:15 says that we should “let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body.”

We have been called. We have been chosen. We have been made part of the church which is the body of Christ. We are not, and cannot be separate from one another.

So then, how can we live the truth of this verse? How can we truly function as one body?

Paul, the writer of the letter to the church in Colossae, answers that question before it is even asked.
Take some time to read the entire chapter of Colossians 3... Let’s highlight a few important statements and get tips on how to handle those difficult and sticky situations when working together isn’t easy:

1. Remember, you have been raised with Christ and should set your mind on the things of above (v.1-2). Let us not get caught up in the details of the disagreement or conflict. Let us focus on the goal: unity, harmony, and ultimately – glory for God (not for me!).
2. Put to death the earthly things in which you once walked and lived (v. 5). We are all struggling to change. Old habits aren’t easy for us to break, nor are they easy for others. Let’s give everyone, ourselves included, a healthy dose of patience and mercy.
3. Put on the new self which is being renewed in knowledge... (v. 10). There is no excuse, however, that allows us to wallow in the old self. That self was put to death. That old argumentative, judging, critical, self-righteous, competitive, undisciplined self is in the grave. The new one is much easier to get along with. Be the person you want to work with, and perhaps your teammate will be encouraged to do the same.
4. We are all one in Christ (v. 11). Wow, this is just as important then as it is for today’s world! Where there are humans, there is prejudice and bias, so it seems. But in Christ, we are one. It doesn’t matter where we’re from, what color our skin is, or what culture we were raised in. Our different outlooks, opinions and personalities should never come between the oneness we have in Christ.
5. We are chosen, holy and beloved (v. 12). All of us. Even the one who frustrates you the most. Even the one whose personality clashes the most with yours. Even the one who is absolutely impossible to work with. They were chosen as well, and are just as holy and beloved.

What follows in this verse needs to be set aside and engraved upon our hearts (or perhaps stapled to our foreheads) so that we can have it present before we interact with any other person, especially one that is part of our intimate team:

1. Be compassionate.
2. Be kind.
3. Be humble.
4. Be meek.
5. Be patient.
6. Bear with one another (v. 13).
7. If you have a complaint, forgive.
8. Above all, LOVE (v. 14).

Love trumps all arguments, disagreements, differing opinions or personalities. If we love, we are not arrogant, demanding our way. If we love, we are not rude and don’t get irritated and resentful. If we love, we are not happy when something goes wrong for someone. We simply bear all, believe all, hope all and endure all (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

The relationship is ALWAYS more important than the decision.

If we can do all this, the stickiness that we want to avoid, becomes the glue that binds us together.

Embrace and appreciate differences. The world would be boring if we all thought like me.

Submit to others. Sometimes it is just best to go with the flow and let others make the call.

Love above and beyond all else. Even when you hate the idea, love the person.

Written by Jocelynn Goff, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Searcy, AR

Are there any difficult people in your life? Surely not ;-). Ahem! We must admit there are relationships that can be quite sticky. I believe we all do have people in our lives for a short or long term that can prove difficult. Maybe a boss, coworker, neighbor, sibling, parent, child, brother or sister at church. So, how do we navigate these difficult relationships? How do we reflect His nature? How can we be salt and light to the world around us? Bottom line, how do we get along with each other?

Of course, we want to look to Jesus for our example and how He interacted with those around Him. As we search the scriptures, we see in Genesis 1:27 “God created man in His own image...” This calls us to respect each other as equal in God’s eyes as His creation. This doesn’t mean that we need to be BFF with everyone but a certain amount of respect is in order.

In John 13:35 Jesus speaks of a new command to love one another and says, “by this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.” This feels like a pretty tall order. Yet, we all know the Golden Rule, “so in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you...” Matthew 7:12. We inherently know how we’d like to be treated so this guides us as we think how to treat others.

Paul gives us guiding principles in Romans 12:9-21. One verse in particular, “if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” This says to me that there may be times that it may not be possible. Therefore, I need to remember Matthew 10:16b that as Jesus sent out the 12, He urged them to be as “wise [shrewd] as serpents, and harmless [innocent] as doves.” I have found some practical tips to help me navigate relationships with those that may fit into this category.

1. Listen and look for common ground, areas of agreement, and stick to these in conversation whether at work or personal interactions.
2. Love them where they’re at, without taking on the task of fixing them.
3. Plant a seed of truth in the conversation.
4. Be “politely assertive” in getting a task completed whether this is a repairman, coworker, child, or anyone where you have to help them to do their job without doing it for them.
5. Set a time limit for the interaction determined by the necessity of the situation. This could be as short as five minutes, for example.
6. Include another person in the conversation to buffer, neutralize the intensity of the conflict, or be a witness if things get sticky.
7. Remember that this person and this relationship do not define you.
8. Do a self-assessment and realize that you could actually be the difficult one in the relationship. If this is true, then humbly repent, apologize, and commit to a new mode of operation. Set the example of owning your own responsibility where appropriate.
9. Cover all of your relationships with prayer asking for the Holy Spirit to accompany you and prompt you if you need to hold your tongue or exit the situation.

May God bless us all as we seek to be wise, innocent, loving, respectful, kind, and truthful in our relationships.

Icky, sticky, mucky. Those were the three adjectives I used to describe a hot, humid summer day. And a friend who overheard my description decided that those words could also be used to describe a challenging relationship she was navigating. Just as the heaviness of the humid air required extra effort to walk even a short distance, my friend was weighted down by every step she tried to take to move forward in the relationship.

What do we do when we are faced with a sticky and challenging friendship? What if another person has become the “thorn in our flesh”?

Multiple examples throughout Scripture illustrate that there is no one right answer for every situation. God asked Hosea to return to Gomer after her continued unfaithfulness. Yet Paul and Barnabas agreed that it was best to go their separate ways in order that neither’s mission to preach the gospel was thwarted (Acts 15:36-41).

Jesus had His share of sticky relationships, but what He always kept at the forefront of His mind was His Father’s will. Jesus knew how to handle each person He came into contact with because He was in constant communication with His Father.

Not sure what to say or how to defend yourself? The Holy Spirit will give you the words (Luke 12:11-12).
Not sure whether to speak up or keep silent? If it is in defense of someone who can’t speak for themselves, say something! (Prov. 31:8-9; James 1:27) If it is in attack of someone else, keep quiet (Prov. 16:27).
Unsure how to avoid being angry at someone? Be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19).
Wishing you could tell others about how “sticky” someone else is? Hold your tongue. It’s gossip and destructive (Prov. 16:28).

Notice how much of the biblical advice about challenging relationships have to do with the tongue. James 3 reminds us that it is a powerful muscle and a powerful force. Blessing and cursing both come from it, which is unhealthy for the speaker and the hearer. James follows his warnings about the tongue with an admonition to seek godly wisdom.

Godly wisdom is the key to managing the tongue and handling sticky relationships. My prayer for each of us today is that God will fill us with His wisdom to know how to navigate both. Spend some extra time in prayer and in the Word, seeking godly wisdom for how to deal with the sticky people in our lives. And don’t forget to look in the mirror and make sure you aren’t being the sticky one!

P.S. Please do not mishear what I am saying in this post as permission for someone to be physically, emotionally, verbally, or even spiritually abusive to someone else. If you are in an abusive relationship, speak up, ask for help, and pray for a way to get out of the situation. You are loved. You are prayed for. And you are not alone. God loves you too much for you to continue to be hurt in that relationship. And God loves that other person more than you do, leave it to Him to be the Rescuer and Redeemer. Trust that He wants what is best and healthiest for both of you.