Iron Rose Sister Ministries

There is no perfect life circumstance that brings us constant and eternal happiness – unless we choose to find joy in it. Paul said it best in Philippians 4:11-13.

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

We quote Philippians 4:13 when faced with the challenges of whatever trial we are found. And Christ is our strength in each of those situations.

However, in the context of Philippians 4, Paul is reminding us that we can, through Christ, be strengthened to find joy, to be content in any and every situation – whether single, married, widowed, divorced, or “it’s complicated” (according to a Facebook status).

Philippians 4 is one of the key verses I am highlighting during a class for single women entitled, “Single and Lovin’ It (Mostly).” We will look at how to respond to the often asked and ever-annoying question “Why are you still single?” We will also discuss how to support each other and find joy through focusing our vision and our thoughts (Hebrews 12:2, I Corinthians 4:18, Philippians 4:7-9).

My prayer for you today is that you can find joy and contentment no matter what your circumstances. Count your blessings and be reminded of all God has done for you and in your life.

#singleness #contentment 

Written by a volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in the USA 

Singleness: quality or state of being single, unmarried.

This is recent for me. I was married for many years to a warrior for the Lord and lost him to COVID 18 months ago. It feels so strange to try and accept this: I am single.

Paul considers his singleness as a gift from God. In 1 Corinthians 7, he discusses marriage and sex and singleness in verses 1 and 2 (ESV), “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”

A few verses later in verses 6-9 (NIV) Paul says,

I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Why would Paul see singleness as a gift? He explains it in verses 32-34, “I want you to be free from anxieties...” Being single gives us the ability to serve the Lord anywhere in the world, without having to consider whether our mate is also desirous of going to live where we feel called to. We are focused on serving God alone.

But in the beginning, in Genesis 2:18, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” Paul thinks singleness is good so we can fully focus on serving God. But God knew it was not good for everyone.

I asked a good friend to share with me his thoughts on singleness. He was also married for a long time and has now been single longer than I have. He said, “It’s unnatural and it hurts.”

I agree.

God made us male and female for a reason; not just for procreation. Yes, that is a very important reason, to keep mankind alive and growing on this earth, but there is so much more to marriage than having children. After raising my children to adulthood and continuing to have the wonderful gift of marriage for many years, I long to have that relationship again; to have the daily love and support, camaraderie, laughter, physical touch, and just the joint shouldering of the burdens of everyday life together with a mate.

At this moment, a large part of me feels destroyed and empty, like a cherished old home that has been burned out and abandoned. But feelings aren’t facts. I know that I am not abandoned. My Father is always here with me, every minute of every day. When I lost my husband, my Dad in heaven gifted me with a tribe of godly friends who welcomed me (Rom. 15:7), loved me (Rom. 12:10), and encouraged me (Prov. 27:9).My tribe bore my weakness with me(Rom. 15:1-3).

God has also comforted me in surprising ways, like putting it on my heart to make a list of the burdens my husband doesn’t carry anymore. I read this list often and imagine how happy he is in paradise now (Rev. 21:4).

My Father reminds me how very fleeting life on earth in James 4:14b, “What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.” Compared to eternity, our lives here on earth are very short indeed. But they don’t feel short, especially when we are hurting.

I don’t know why God chose to take my husband home, nor how long I will have on this earth yet to live. Right now, the loneliness each night is like a black hole, threatening to swallow me entirely. It feels unnatural to be alone. And it hurts. So, I turn to my “Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction…” (2 Cor. 1:3-4 ESV).

I am still here. I don’t know why, but while I am, I will serve God, and follow His Word the best I can. So, I study about widowhood, “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39).

Singleness and I are not friends. I have begun praying that God will grant me a godly man that I can love, and who will love me—someone to hold hands with as we cross the finish line of life together. For now, I can rest in Him as I wait, reminding myself of this passage often, “Be still and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10).

My Dad in heaven is infinitely better than any earthly father at screening my dates, because He can see into their minds and hearts and knows their intentions. I am confident He will bring me just the right man if I move out of the driver’s seat (which is, frankly, difficult for me!), and instead allow Him to lead.

Singleness can be a great blessing for some. But it is not for everyone. The most important thing in this life is loving and serving our Creator with all our hearts and minds and souls and strength, whether single or married. And one day we can rejoice as we discuss these events together in heaven!

Written by Rianna Elmshaeuser, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Colorado

Christian movies often end with the characters, who have trusted and obeyed God despite the circumstances, getting everything they want: a baby, a spouse, money, whatever. I’m not criticizing those movies because that frequently does happen, but it also doesn’t always happen that way. What do we do when we don’t get everything we want? Is it worth it? I can tell you from the perspective of someone who didn’t get the desires of her heart, it is still worth it to trust and obey God.

All my life I have loved kids. I so badly wanted my own kids to hold and sing to and teach and watch grow up. Unfortunately, I never married. I could not afford adoption or a residence big enough to appease the State requirements for a foster child. So here I am, age 40 and skipping all the church baby showers because they are just too painful. Along the way, I received more than a few recommendations to go to a sperm bank (use a donor) and have a baby by myself. But I had a problem with that. I believe God designed the family to have a mother and a father. And as badly as I wanted to be a mother, I felt that if I went around His plan and intentionally brought a child into a fatherless home, I would be disobeying God. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. Taking in a foster child was an exception in my book because I was not the one who brought them into the world. They are kids that don’t have anyone to love them, and one person would be better than none.

To most of society, this is a crazy position to take. I connect deeply with Hebrews 11:13, “All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth” (NIV).

My obedience to God may not bring me what I want, but I trust in God with all my heart that His way is better than mine. I am not single by my own design, but I have found 1 Corinthians 7:34 to be true: “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.” My singleness and childlessness have given me time to help with the youth group, coach the kids in puppet ministry for Lads 2 Leaders, start a singles ministry, volunteer at nursing homes and other places, make time for lunch or coffee with people who need encouragement, and many other things that bring about a sense of fulfillment.

I have learned to embrace my status in life and trust that God has a plan for me because of Jesus’ example. He trusted His Father, our Father, to the point of death. When Jesus was in the garden, He was praying for God to find another way, to take the cup from Him. But in His perfect obedience, He said, “Not my will, but yours.”

As badly as I want children, I am trusting God’s plan even though I may never see the results in my lifetime. Hebrews 3:7-8 says, “So, as the Holy Spirit says: ‘Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion, during the time of testing in the wilderness’.” Everyone at one time or another faces a choice to obey God or do their own thing. I had a friend in college who rebelled, had two kids while unmarried, and then repented and came back to the Lord. The thought did cross my mind that I could do that too. But trusting in God means also trusting that the consequences for rebelling to get what I want and then repenting will not be better than if I obeyed Him in the first place.

During my time of testing, I did not rebel, but did my best to emulate Jesus and say, “I don’t understand, but Your will, not mine.” Through the pain and sorrow, God has made changes in my heart that I could never have imagined possible. I have a light in my heart that I didn’t know was missing and a relationship with Jesus that is deeper than ever before. He has also set me on a path to help lots of hurting kids rather than my own. I am excited for the future. Despite the likelihood that there will always be times I don’t understand, and I will still mourn the children I never had, I trust my Father to bring about something better.

Written by Michelle J. Goff, Founder and Director of Iron Rose Sister Ministries 

Singleness is a loaded word. It evokes a reaction and carries connotations that stir up feelings we may not be comfortable discussing. For some, singleness is independence and liberty. For others, loneliness, and isolation.

In 2019, I conducted surveys and interviews to ascertain the thoughts of single and single-again women on the topic of singleness. As one of the most neglected populations in our churches, yet statistically over half the population in the U.S., I knew this was a necessary conversation.

Late 2021, One Single Reason: Conversations with Single Women was released. It ensures that we seat God at the head of the table and most attentively listen to His voice. My voice is represented through various stories and illustrations. Other women’s voices are shared through their own experiences and perspectives. Finally, we invite your voice into the conversation. Pull up a chair!

We are invited to share in the opportunity to learn from one another and from Scripture. The number of single and single-again characters in the Bible is astounding. Some of the most famous people whose stories are narrated in the Scriptures were single, starting with Jesus.Then we have Paul, Mary, and Martha amongst His most devoted disciples. Miriam was single, Hagar was a single mom, and Anna was a widow who dedicated years serving in the temple, awaiting the Messiah.

One of the ways we can celebrate singleness is to highlight that facet of these integral individuals in God’s Bible story. Singleness is not the sum of who we are, but neither it is a characteristic or dynamic that can be ignored.

Integrating our unique qualities, God amazingly weaves all our stories into the tapestry of His design and wills us to walk with Him through all stages and ages of our lives. The Body cannot function without all its members (1 Cor. 12); therefore, our single members are also vital to the Kingdom.

One Sunday morning, shortly after the book’s release, a shepherd at my current congregation asked how long it took me to write One Single Reason. Before I could formulate my answer, he interrupted me. “I bet this one took a lifetime.” Amazed at how deeply that elder saw me and my work, I slowly nodded, “Yes, it did.”

Throughout my life, I have heard hundreds, maybe thousands of cries from single women that their stories be heard, and their lives be valued. We are more than our marital status, but singleness brings distinct challenges that can only be understood by someone who has lived through it.

The median age for women to get married has increased to 28 from an average of 20.3 in the 1950s. Most young singles do not have someone in their lives who has lived through the same experiences she has, beginning a career instead of starting a family. One course of action is not right while the other is wrong, they are simply different.

And our differences can feel threatening. We fear what we don’t know or understand. When we openly share our hearts, our struggles, and our experiences, we demystify the unfamiliar. Yes, there is a vulnerability in that level of openness, but we were designed to be in deep and meaningful relationships. Our sincerity will facilitate genuine conversation and unity.

We all long for relationship and purpose (Matt. 22:36-39; Matt. 28:18-20; John 15). As we strive toward these goals, may we listen, learn, and love those who are different. The invitation of God’s love and service in His Kingdom is not exclusive. We can all be clothed with Christ and find our most significant identity in Him (Gal. 3:26-27).

Today, I invite you to ask a single or single-again woman how you can pray for her. It is a first step toward listening, learning, and loving.