Iron Rose Sister Ministries

Written by Katie Forbess, President of Iron Rose Sister Ministries’ Board of Directors

Dear Sister ________ ,

Hi! How are you?

This month’s blog posts are about singles and so I decided to write you a letter with some thoughts about you and how much you are a vital and absolutely necessary part of the Whole. You are very crucial part of my life and the body of Christ.

You are an incredible part of my life, particularly my spiritual life. You have a perspective and encouragement for me that is entirely unique. I know that being single has been a struggle for you at times just like you know being married has been a struggle for me. You always bring me back to the Father in a way that is beautiful and affirming but don’t let me get away with anything either. Your ability to see me has not always been matched by my ability to see you.

The way you work in the church behind the scenes, but dedicate your whole heart to what you are doing is inspiring. The way you work with women as a doula and then after with nursing or anything else they need is incredible. God has gifted you with so many unique gifts and you take those gifts and use them every day as God presents the moments.

You are fearless. Well, let’s be honest, sometimes you are afraid but you meet the fear with God’s word. You take that fear and put it in its place before our Father and speak it out loud to another sister so that it no longer has power over you.

Your strength comes from the Lord, and no other man. You are married to Christ in a way that I maybe envy a little. You take that commitment as serious as a wedding vow.

I know you have suffered some because of how I wasn’t sensitive and I didn’t appreciate you as much as I should have. There have been several times when you have come and helped me and seen me when no one else did. You knew what was going on and you did something about it. You are always about prayer and action.

Within the church I know there have been times when others have hurt you by constantly talking about setting you up with someone, limiting your say on the mission team because you didn’t have a husband, overlooking you in conversation and in action. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you have suffered and I will do better and I pray that as a church body we will do better.

You bring so much to the church and church life and I know that any congregation you walk into, if it’s for one Sunday or 10 years, is blessed.

Thank you for being yourself and for being honest with others about how God shapes you and molds you in all different kinds of circumstances.

You are a prayer warrior and I thank you for always being ready to pray with me, pray for me or ask for prayers. I know that your life is in a very special waiting place right now and I can’t wait to see how God is going to work this out!

I love you, Sister!

Katie

Written by Debora Rodrigo, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Spain

I'm a single woman, like many others in my society. Besides being single, I am a Christian. And this is what makes it different; there are not many like me in my church. For whatever reason, congregations do not reflect the more than 50% of singles in society. And I'm not talking about people who decide not to marry and live together instead, but rather, people who, for various reasons, do not live as a couple. Many like me do not feel welcome in their churches; many, in fact, stop congregating because of it.

If like me, you are single, it might have been difficult at times to find appropriate activities for you within the church. Perhaps sometimes you have felt that you are not like the others. Or you have even received a special treatment that makes you uncomfortable, although you know well that it does not come from a discriminatory intention. Let me tell you that none of this responds to what the Bible says or Jesus’ teachings. The examples of singles are abundant in the Bible, and the teachings regarding singleness are also very present.

If you are single, like me, perhaps you are part of that group of people in society with the most significant number of connections in the community, as some statistics also show. And maybe, just maybe, you have a little more time that allows you to have better communion with God and serve the church with more dedication, as the apostle Paul affirmed (1 Cor. 7:32-33). In that case, you have a lot more to contribute than you have possibly thought so far. Although we can’t deny that the family, and by extension, marriage, is one of our church’s pillars, we can’t forget that the Bible and Jesus’ teachings are addressed to individuals, not family units. The Bible is addressed to people, people who have a relationship with God and others. And you could be an example in these two areas. First, for your multiple connections with your community; and second, because your condition can be an opportunity to get closer to God.

Single lady, don't let appearances or what others may think discourage your strength. Don't let the flow of what others do, inside or outside the church, affect your desire to serve. Be an example. Live each day in the present, regardless of what is around you, and do your best to be an example for others. Be an example in your relationship with God and get closer to Him every day. Be an example of a Christian woman who connects with others and loves her neighbor.

Written by Mery Pérez, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister in Venezuela

The ghost of failure will come to visit you every once in a while in the form of rejection. And in that moment we think that failure should not exist in the life of a daughter of God, that perhaps if we fail God will no longer see us as His daughters, but what happens when failure does come? What happens when there is a chapter in your life that knocks you down? What happens when you feel hopeless like Elijah did when arriving to Mount Horeb, seeking God’s presence?

Since I was a little girl I have known God’s Word; my mother has been the one that guided me in His ways. I can’t imagine my life outside of the church. Since I was very young, I have been dedicated to teaching. In fact, I am a teacher by profession, but in the church I have been a Bible class teacher since I was 16 years old. Now I am almost 38 years old and I have not let go of the gift God has given me. At 27 years of age, I married a Christian man and after six years of marriage, we got divorced, something that I never expected nor in fact wanted. It was a really hard time, because in the space of a year and a half my second son was born, who has Down Syndrome; my father died six months after his birth; and my husband left me a little after my son turned one year old. Having a son with this condition has been one of the most difficult challenges that God has put in my life; I think it was one of the triggers for my separation as well. But without a doubt, Andy, my son, has been a marvelous learning experience that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.

After my divorce and upon becoming single (that is, “single again”) with two children and also feeling shame before God for now being a “divorcée,” I wondered, “How can I continue teaching children and other sisters and continue being an example now?”
“Now people are going to look at my mistakes.” The truth is, I didn’t feel worthy, I didn’t feel like an example, and even though I wanted to remain active in order to teach, I couldn’t figure out how to ask the leadership to give me the opportunity once again to keep doing what I enjoy doing within the church.

Honestly, this process has made me cling even more to God, but He says that to begin again—after a failure—one must be sincere. I don’t know where we get the idea that we have to pretend to be perfect. We aren’t. None of us have reached perfection. Not even me. God is creating a design with the weaving of our life. And it will be beautiful. Everything will fit. But on occasions, from our point of view, it seems to be a disaster, a mess. When we examine our life, we think, “How will something good come out of all of this?”

Our God is a God of second chances and new beginnings. In the Bible we have examples of many people that made mistakes and, in spite of them, God never rejected them. I was also able to notice that within the congregation there were several sisters that were in the same situation as me, “singles again,” and they were able to raise their children and continue teaching the other youths, being an example for me. Not only that, but many of them have been those constant voices that tell me that I can do it, that God continues loving us and His grace covers us, as long as we have a willing heart. Those sisters are the ones that have also been in my shoes and can understand through empathy how it feels to go through this situation. It’s not a matter of faked perfection, because, is there anything that God does not know?

The success of the servant of God is not in the result, but rather in wholly obeying the words of God until the end of their days. We saw it in a woman like Ruth, who being single again after becoming widowed, was blessed greatly by God and redeemed; through her came the ancestry of Jesus, God’s own Son.

Finally I could understand what Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” I could absorb and internalize that I can be authentic before God as the message of 2 Corinthians 12:9 demonstrates, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

In reality, the story is much longer, but all that is left for me to say is that I want to continue being faithful to my Lord in spite of my past and my mistakes, putting into practice the gifts that He has given me to serve Him. And not only that, but having the life that I have has allowed me to go alongside other families that have children with the same condition as Andy, within and outside of the church. It truly has been a marvelous learning experience and an opportunity to learn and become much stronger.

I thank God for His infinite love and because He is the only One that knows my soul perfectly, and even still He loves me, so much so that He gave His Son on the cross to die for me and give me eternal life.

Written by Liliana Henríquez, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Colombia

Recently, I met with a friend and sister from the church to visit since we haven’t seen each other for a while. She talked to me about her children, how she was doing with online classes, her job… well, her whole life. I just listened to her, smiled and expressed my joy for the good news that she has shared with me. After an hour, she asked me how I was doing, my answer was short and simple: "Thank God, I'm fine, working from home and my family is fine." That was it. We said goodbye, but before ending the Zoom meeting, she told me: "next time you have to tell me more about yourself because I feel like I talked too much." I smiled and we ended the meeting.

After meditating on that, I realized that my life is really very SIMPLE. I do not have anecdotes about children to tell, I have no responsibilities to others beyond my regular work as a teacher and psychologist, and my daily routine is almost unalterable because it depends only on me. From that anecdote with my friend, I came to the conclusion that perhaps God has allowed us single women the opportunity to have a relatively "simple" life, in order to help others who have complex lives.

This reminds me of Galatians 6:2 which tells us: "Bear one another's burdens..." This is much easier to do if one of the two parts is lighter than the other. If both are fully loaded, they won't be of much help to each other. So, I realized that being single and with a simple life is a great help for the church because there are many sisters with very heavy emotional loads who need comfort, encouragement or simply a sister willing to listen to them to feel less burdened. That too is missionary work. Because mission is not limited to preaching the Gospel to the unsaved, but it is also about preaching and affirming the Gospel to the believer.

The union of a simple life with a complex life is a practical example of Proverbs 27:17, iron sharpening iron, where both parties build up and help each other grow in Christ. So, if today you, the single sister reading this, are wondering what you can do in the church, I encourage you to be that sister who helps to ease the burdens of those who feel burdened. We single women are more useful than we think! Let us serve in the way that God has called us to serve with heart and devotion.

Written by Nilaurys Garcia, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister in Chile

Some places have elevators and others have stairs or escalators. Climbing stairs can be difficult for children, elderly, or a person who has bodily ailments. Think for a second about the effort that you put forth to climb a staircase.

A couple of weeks ago, while I was talking with a friend, I mentioned to her that Christian life is like climbing a descending escalator (we have known each other for more than 15 years, so she let out a laugh; she knows that I like examples and expected me to elaborate on the idea). Some of you will not understand the image that I am proposing, but let me explain it to you. Climbing up escalators that are descending is a little complicated. There is a movement that takes us down no matter how much we try to go up, and no matter how great of a willpower we have, but if we keep trying and establish a constant rhythm of steps, we can keep going up and even get to the top after sweating a little bit. However, what happens if we get distracted or stumble? What is most likely is that the escalator will drag us down a couple steps, or if we really lose the rhythm, we may have to start back at square one.

Our spiritual life is similar to that idea of climbing an escalator which is going down. If we make an effort (if we study the word, pray, stay strong, have communion with the church), we can constantly go up and grow in our daily walk with the Lord Jesus Christ. It becomes easy to be a Christian when I feel full of the kindness and the love of God. It is much easier to wait patiently in city traffic when I remember that the joy of the Lord is my strength, and it’s easier to get up in the morning with a thankful heart because God has gifted me with a new day. But when we let other things distract us and make us lose focus, we take the wrong steps. We risk falling to the bottom of the escalator and having to start over…I forget the joy of the new day and I drift away from the One that gave himself over for me.

We have heard many times about these characteristics that Peter asks us to strive for: “For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love” (2 Peter 1:5-7 NIV). All of these characteristics will make us grow in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ and will keep us from being useless and unproductive (v. 8). If we go back to the image of the escalator, we are constantly making an effort to add these things to our faith (climbing the escalator).

Even though this escalator may be an individual path, let us think of all of us climbing. Communion with the church is important. We are all encouraging each other to take the next step. No matter what your current status is, married, single, we are all on this path, we are encouraging others and receiving their support as we form part of this great body that has Jesus as our head.

by Rachel Baker, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Searcy, AR

When I was asked about the role of singles in the church, I spent so much time trying to come up with something unique for this population. What is it about those who are single that makes them exceptionally gifted to serve within the body of Christ? I went through several points that I have heard over the years, specifically addressing the role of singles in the church… and I struggled with each and every one of them.

1) Singles have more time to devote to service and ministry.
While the constraints of marriage might not apply to singles, they definitely still have plenty of things to do each day. Some have children to raise. Most will have jobs to keep, activities that can fill their days, hobbies, friends, TV shows, social media… just like the rest of us. We can all fill our time with whatever it is we deem to be most important. We are also all capable of managing that time a little more intentionally, making space for ministry and service, and prioritizing our days.

2) Singles have more money to contribute since they don’t have a family to support.
This is not a blanket statement that can be made for all people who do not have other mouths to feed. Each occupation and life situation is unique. Life happens, expenses happen, and income changes happen. Whether married or single, we are all told to give of what we have with a joyful heart.

3) Singles are focused on finding a spouse and need a group devoted to this.
We as a church have come dangerously close to idolizing the institution of marriage, and it has created a false sense of focus and priority within our church family. Marriage is one significant way that God chooses to display His glory to the world, but it is not the only way. Both marriage and singleness are a gift from the Lord, and one is not better or more important than the other (I Corinthians 7).

Do singles have a special offering when it comes to serving and ministry? Absolutely. Are there aspects of being single that allow for service and ministry in a way that married people cannot always contribute? Definitely. We cannot, however, make blanket statements about a person’s role or responsibilities without considering the individual. Our purpose in the church is not based on our relationship status any more than it is based on our hair color or our favorite food.

We must each take the time to identify our God-given strengths, skills, and passions if we are to serve as He intended, and we must allow for others - regardless of their relationship status - to do the same.

How can you serve and minister to others in your current situation? How can you encourage your sisters in Christ to do the same?

Written by Michelle J. Goff, Founder and Director of Iron Rose Sister Ministries 

Singleness is a loaded word. It evokes a reaction and carries connotations that stir up feelings we may not be comfortable discussing. For some, singleness is independence and liberty. For others, loneliness, and isolation.

In 2019, I conducted surveys and interviews to ascertain the thoughts of single and single-again women on the topic of singleness. As one of the most neglected populations in our churches, yet statistically over half the population in the U.S., I knew this was a necessary conversation.

Late 2021, One Single Reason: Conversations with Single Women was released. It ensures that we seat God at the head of the table and most attentively listen to His voice. My voice is represented through various stories and illustrations. Other women’s voices are shared through their own experiences and perspectives. Finally, we invite your voice into the conversation. Pull up a chair!

We are invited to share in the opportunity to learn from one another and from Scripture. The number of single and single-again characters in the Bible is astounding. Some of the most famous people whose stories are narrated in the Scriptures were single, starting with Jesus.Then we have Paul, Mary, and Martha amongst His most devoted disciples. Miriam was single, Hagar was a single mom, and Anna was a widow who dedicated years serving in the temple, awaiting the Messiah.

One of the ways we can celebrate singleness is to highlight that facet of these integral individuals in God’s Bible story. Singleness is not the sum of who we are, but neither it is a characteristic or dynamic that can be ignored.

Integrating our unique qualities, God amazingly weaves all our stories into the tapestry of His design and wills us to walk with Him through all stages and ages of our lives. The Body cannot function without all its members (1 Cor. 12); therefore, our single members are also vital to the Kingdom.

One Sunday morning, shortly after the book’s release, a shepherd at my current congregation asked how long it took me to write One Single Reason. Before I could formulate my answer, he interrupted me. “I bet this one took a lifetime.” Amazed at how deeply that elder saw me and my work, I slowly nodded, “Yes, it did.”

Throughout my life, I have heard hundreds, maybe thousands of cries from single women that their stories be heard, and their lives be valued. We are more than our marital status, but singleness brings distinct challenges that can only be understood by someone who has lived through it.

The median age for women to get married has increased to 28 from an average of 20.3 in the 1950s. Most young singles do not have someone in their lives who has lived through the same experiences she has, beginning a career instead of starting a family. One course of action is not right while the other is wrong, they are simply different.

And our differences can feel threatening. We fear what we don’t know or understand. When we openly share our hearts, our struggles, and our experiences, we demystify the unfamiliar. Yes, there is a vulnerability in that level of openness, but we were designed to be in deep and meaningful relationships. Our sincerity will facilitate genuine conversation and unity.

We all long for relationship and purpose (Matt. 22:36-39; Matt. 28:18-20; John 15). As we strive toward these goals, may we listen, learn, and love those who are different. The invitation of God’s love and service in His Kingdom is not exclusive. We can all be clothed with Christ and find our most significant identity in Him (Gal. 3:26-27).

Today, I invite you to ask a single or single-again woman how you can pray for her. It is a first step toward listening, learning, and loving.