Written by Mery Pérez, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister in Venezuela
The ghost of failure will come to visit you every once in a while in the form of rejection. And in that moment we think that failure should not exist in the life of a daughter of God, that perhaps if we fail God will no longer see us as His daughters, but what happens when failure does come? What happens when there is a chapter in your life that knocks you down? What happens when you feel hopeless like Elijah did when arriving to Mount Horeb, seeking God’s presence?
Since I was a little girl I have known God’s Word; my mother has been the one that guided me in His ways. I can’t imagine my life outside of the church. Since I was very young, I have been dedicated to teaching. In fact, I am a teacher by profession, but in the church I have been a Bible class teacher since I was 16 years old. Now I am almost 38 years old and I have not let go of the gift God has given me. At 27 years of age, I married a Christian man and after six years of marriage, we got divorced, something that I never expected nor in fact wanted. It was a really hard time, because in the space of a year and a half my second son was born, who has Down Syndrome; my father died six months after his birth; and my husband left me a little after my son turned one year old. Having a son with this condition has been one of the most difficult challenges that God has put in my life; I think it was one of the triggers for my separation as well. But without a doubt, Andy, my son, has been a marvelous learning experience that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.
After my divorce and upon becoming single (that is, “single again”) with two children and also feeling shame before God for now being a “divorcée,” I wondered, “How can I continue teaching children and other sisters and continue being an example now?”
“Now people are going to look at my mistakes.” The truth is, I didn’t feel worthy, I didn’t feel like an example, and even though I wanted to remain active in order to teach, I couldn’t figure out how to ask the leadership to give me the opportunity once again to keep doing what I enjoy doing within the church.
Honestly, this process has made me cling even more to God, but He says that to begin again—after a failure—one must be sincere. I don’t know where we get the idea that we have to pretend to be perfect. We aren’t. None of us have reached perfection. Not even me. God is creating a design with the weaving of our life. And it will be beautiful. Everything will fit. But on occasions, from our point of view, it seems to be a disaster, a mess. When we examine our life, we think, “How will something good come out of all of this?”
Our God is a God of second chances and new beginnings. In the Bible we have examples of many people that made mistakes and, in spite of them, God never rejected them. I was also able to notice that within the congregation there were several sisters that were in the same situation as me, “singles again,” and they were able to raise their children and continue teaching the other youths, being an example for me. Not only that, but many of them have been those constant voices that tell me that I can do it, that God continues loving us and His grace covers us, as long as we have a willing heart. Those sisters are the ones that have also been in my shoes and can understand through empathy how it feels to go through this situation. It’s not a matter of faked perfection, because, is there anything that God does not know?
The success of the servant of God is not in the result, but rather in wholly obeying the words of God until the end of their days. We saw it in a woman like Ruth, who being single again after becoming widowed, was blessed greatly by God and redeemed; through her came the ancestry of Jesus, God’s own Son.
Finally I could understand what Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” I could absorb and internalize that I can be authentic before God as the message of 2 Corinthians 12:9 demonstrates, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
In reality, the story is much longer, but all that is left for me to say is that I want to continue being faithful to my Lord in spite of my past and my mistakes, putting into practice the gifts that He has given me to serve Him. And not only that, but having the life that I have has allowed me to go alongside other families that have children with the same condition as Andy, within and outside of the church. It truly has been a marvelous learning experience and an opportunity to learn and become much stronger.
I thank God for His infinite love and because He is the only One that knows my soul perfectly, and even still He loves me, so much so that He gave His Son on the cross to die for me and give me eternal life.
