Written by Lisanka Martínez, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Venezuela
When we read in Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (NIV), it is necessary to keep in mind that it is a command for all Christians in all times, places, and circumstances. Because of this, we notice the commitment that it represents to be able to express ourselves, as the Word indicates, so that our speech is edifying for those who listen to us, always avoiding the opposite.
This commitment, I confess, has been an uphill struggle for me on several occasions, and incredibly more so in my life as a Christian. Before I studied the Word, when I read or listened to this verse, it seemed to me to be directed at people who were mean in their language, uncontrolled, or who always spoke with malice and double meanings, offending and mocking others. I thought it was not addressed to me, who, although I said a bad word from time to time, tried to be careful where and to whom I said it, being respectful of the people with whom I had some contact.
Later, as a Christian, I remember an anecdote that happened to me during a discipleship class in which I participated shortly after being baptized.
I arrived 15 minutes early to the meeting set for 8 a.m. and I found only the sister in charge of the class who had been there since 7:30 a.m. The rest of the group arrived in a span of half an hour. Much later, the sister who led the class was the last to arrive with another of the sisters. When I asked them what had happened to them and why they were so late, the accompanying sister told me that it was the time the person in charge had told her because they needed to wait until everyone was there before beginning.
I was very upset, and I let the leader know that I thought it was disrespectful for her to arrive almost an hour late to start the class. My attitude had its immediate response: her face was transformed, and she spent the next half an hour sharing an improvised lecture (with its corresponding biblical passages) in which she explained why a neophyte like me should not call out a more mature woman in the faith. I listened to her speech quietly, still upset, and then we finally moved on to the prepared class material. Of course, nothing she said convinced me that she hadn't disrespected all of us. Being Venezuelan, I should have been used to that characteristic of many of my compatriots: the failure to comply with schedules and the lack of respect for others' time; however, I was not and still am not.
Reflecting on this experience, I now think that she, with more experience in the faith, should have simply apologized to everyone for being late and told me, the insubordinate one, that we would talk more calmly about the subject later, instead of showing that she was in charge and that the rest of us should respect and obey her. In conclusion, we both failed as friends, sisters, and group members.
How many of you have had something like this happen? (I remember a story shared by our sister Michelle where she related a similar experience involving a church trip to the beach, found in the book, In God’s Right Hand). Fortunately, those experiences now seem very distant, and we remember them more objectively, although for everyone in the group that day, it would not have been edifying despite the use of the Bible and the fact that no corrupt words were used.
Studying Social Work, I learned about what it means to be in a group and even more so if we formed a team: the commitment, the level of confidentiality, and cohesion that this implied. It should have been a piece of cake to transfer that to my church groups many years later. However, experience has shown me that I have failed in my commitment to God and to the members of the group because of the way I am, always trying to give instructions about the right way to do or say things without being loving, understanding, and compassionate enough in most cases. My commitment is not only to teach, but also to listen and show the greatest empathy, and I want my face and gestures to reflect the love of Christ and not just my words. Now, I work daily to correct and change with God's help.
Do you hear yourself and your sisters in your small group showing love?