Written by Rianna Elmshaeuser, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Colorado
Christian movies often end with the characters, who have trusted and obeyed God despite the circumstances, getting everything they want: a baby, a spouse, money, whatever. I’m not criticizing those movies because that frequently does happen, but it also doesn’t always happen that way. What do we do when we don’t get everything we want? Is it worth it? I can tell you from the perspective of someone who didn’t get the desires of her heart, it is still worth it to trust and obey God.
All my life I have loved kids. I so badly wanted my own kids to hold and sing to and teach and watch grow up. Unfortunately, I never married. I could not afford adoption or a residence big enough to appease the State requirements for a foster child. So here I am, age 40 and skipping all the church baby showers because they are just too painful. Along the way, I received more than a few recommendations to go to a sperm bank (use a donor) and have a baby by myself. But I had a problem with that. I believe God designed the family to have a mother and a father. And as badly as I wanted to be a mother, I felt that if I went around His plan and intentionally brought a child into a fatherless home, I would be disobeying God. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. Taking in a foster child was an exception in my book because I was not the one who brought them into the world. They are kids that don’t have anyone to love them, and one person would be better than none.
To most of society, this is a crazy position to take. I connect deeply with Hebrews 11:13, “All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth” (NIV).
My obedience to God may not bring me what I want, but I trust in God with all my heart that His way is better than mine. I am not single by my own design, but I have found 1 Corinthians 7:34 to be true: “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.” My singleness and childlessness have given me time to help with the youth group, coach the kids in puppet ministry for Lads 2 Leaders, start a singles ministry, volunteer at nursing homes and other places, make time for lunch or coffee with people who need encouragement, and many other things that bring about a sense of fulfillment.
I have learned to embrace my status in life and trust that God has a plan for me because of Jesus’ example. He trusted His Father, our Father, to the point of death. When Jesus was in the garden, He was praying for God to find another way, to take the cup from Him. But in His perfect obedience, He said, “Not my will, but yours.”
As badly as I want children, I am trusting God’s plan even though I may never see the results in my lifetime. Hebrews 3:7-8 says, “So, as the Holy Spirit says: ‘Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion, during the time of testing in the wilderness’.” Everyone at one time or another faces a choice to obey God or do their own thing. I had a friend in college who rebelled, had two kids while unmarried, and then repented and came back to the Lord. The thought did cross my mind that I could do that too. But trusting in God means also trusting that the consequences for rebelling to get what I want and then repenting will not be better than if I obeyed Him in the first place.
During my time of testing, I did not rebel, but did my best to emulate Jesus and say, “I don’t understand, but Your will, not mine.” Through the pain and sorrow, God has made changes in my heart that I could never have imagined possible. I have a light in my heart that I didn’t know was missing and a relationship with Jesus that is deeper than ever before. He has also set me on a path to help lots of hurting kids rather than my own. I am excited for the future. Despite the likelihood that there will always be times I don’t understand, and I will still mourn the children I never had, I trust my Father to bring about something better.