Written by Kara Benson, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Arkansas
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight” (Phil. 1:9).
Paul prays that the Christians in Philippi may have a love that is growing in knowledge and increasing in insight. That requires intentionality. It is an investment of time and energy. It takes effort to really get to know someone, and it takes intentionality to act on that knowledge. Intentionality is desire coupled with action, and it generates meaningful relationships.
We are not going to build relationships with our brothers and sisters in Christ solely by showing up for service on Sundays and slipping out the side door after the last song. This is a truth I have learned from personal experience. Deep relationships do not occur by happenstance; we cannot expect to somehow “fall into” strong relationships. Rather we must make the conscious decision to pursue and build strong relationships.
According to the command given in Titus 2:4-5, older Christian women should
“train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God” (Titus 2:4-5).
Having been married less than five years, I have a lot to learn. This past spring, a sister intentionally initiated a weekly study with me. In this mentoring relationship, she is teaching me and I am learning from her about how to be a better wife. Even though she is getting older, she is very active in the kingdom. She is connected to the true vine and bearing much fruit (John 15).
On two different occasions when my husband was traveling for work, a sister in our congregation invited me over for dinner with her family. Although she is investing in the lives of her three young children, she is also intentional in getting to know me well enough to know what is going on in my life. She knows how to reach out to others and is deliberate in doing so. Hebrews 10:24 says, “
Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”
We are called to devote mental effort in contemplating how we may best encourage our brothers and sisters in Christ. It requires being intentional and involved in one another’s lives outside of the church building.
Another element of intentional relationships is being mindful of others in different seasons of life. I greatly appreciate Michelle’s most recent book, One Single Reason, because it deepens the discussion about singleness and supports sisters in Christ seeking to better understand each other. “Deep love for my single sisters” and “the same deep love for my married friends who long to know how to better support their single sisters” are the first two motivations united by the one single reason for the journey: love. “Even through misunderstandings and the lack of awareness on all sides,” Michelle writes, “one of the most beautiful outcomes has been the love expressed” (pg. 12). Do you hear that? This is a love that desires depth of relationship, motivates us to learn and grow, and seeks to better connect with our sisters in Christ, all while graciously covering over our mistakes and missteps along the way (1 Pet. 4:8).
Second Peter 1:5-8 urges us to add the attributes of knowledge, kindness, and love (among others) to our faith:
“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
Not only will continually growing in these characteristics prevent us from being unfruitful in Christ, it will also strengthen and deepen our relationships with one another.
I would like to conclude by extending our discussion of intentionality to those around us who are lost. In John 4:35, Jesus declares,
“Open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest.”
Are our eyes open to the harvest every day at our workplace? Do we see the harvest in our neighborhood, across the street? What about the harvest in the pew to our left? Hebrews 9:27 warns, “man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment.” Let us tell everyone we can about the gospel in the hopes that, when they are standing before the judgment seat on judgment day, they know and are known by the Judge.
God is intentional in His relationship with us. Likewise, we should be intentional in our relationships with others. How are you being intentional in your relationships with your family in Christ? Are you putting yourself in situations where you can connect with people who need the gospel?