Written by Michelle J. Goff, founder and director of Iron Rose Sister Ministries
Every time I write a book, I wrestle. I wrestle over what to include and exclude. I wrestle with my thoughts, with finding enough time, with how to best express something, and so many other things. During at least one stage of the writing process, I also wrestle with God.
The writing of Bible study books are not the only times I have wrestled with God. We have wrestled over my health and the health of loved ones, especially spiritual health. We have wrestled over my longing for understanding of a certain passage of Scripture, over a prayer that His will be done coupled with an expression of the deepest desires of my heart.
Awake all night, conflicting thoughts and wordless prayers have robbed me of peaceful slumber. Grappling with uncertainty and a lack of clarity, I have wrestled day and night to understand where God was leading. Impatient with confusion, the tension of the wrestling squeezes and bends to the point of breaking. I am forced to keep fighting or to give up.
Yet imagine if I had never engaged in the wrestling to begin with… Would I have exercised my spiritual muscles, fortified my trust in God, or come to know and be known through the depth of relationship?
Wrestling is a form of conflict. I would venture to say that Genesis reveals that Jacob lived a life of conflict. He started in conflict with his twin brother, Esau, from the womb. When he stole the birthright from his older brother, the conflict it created forced him to leave the region, fearing retaliation.
His mother, Rebekah, sent him to her people, where he fell into immediate conflict again. Having experienced “love at first sight,” he worked for Laban for seven years, never losing sight of the goal of coming to know his bride, Rachel. Yet Leah was the older sister who greeted him the morning after the wedding. He worked another seven years, becoming one of the first men to have “sister wives.” Talk about conflict!
Conflict with his father-in-law. Conflict between his wives. Conflict amongst his children, especially after his favorite son Joseph received a colorful coat from him. Conflict regarding the decision to travel back to the region of his childhood home, fearful of stirring up more conflict with Esau who may or may not have forgiven him…
Through all of this conflict, he had seen the faithfulness of the God of his father and grandfather, the God of Abraham and Isaac. The majority of the time, the Almighty’s blessing was born out of conflict and wrestling.
To wrestle… to take part in a fight, or to struggle with a difficulty or problem.
Jacob knew both physical and metaphorical wrestling. Figuratively and literally, he had been wrestling through more than his share of struggles and victories his entire life. And by this point in the story, he was an old man.
22 That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. 24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”
But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
27 The man asked him, “What is your name?”
“Jacob,” he answered.
28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.” (Gen. 32:22-28)
Jacob was a well-practiced wrestler. He “had struggled with God and with humans and had overcome.” Instead of avoiding those conflicts, Jacob had learned how to persevere through them and come out on the other side a blessed child of God.
During my times of wrestling, a tension is created from which I sometimes think it would be easier to flee than to embrace. This tension is uncomfortable, exhausting, mentally draining, and most definitely frustrating. But it is also healthy. The more times God and I wrestle, the more growth comes on the other side of that tension.
Like Jacob, I have learned to embrace the tension, to lean into the fight, in order that God might bless me—personally or as a ministry. I don’t do this perfectly and please don’t hear me minimizing the struggle. It is a battle… but one that promises a blessing!
I will close with one very recent example. My current health hinders me from traveling internationally—a truth I am still struggling to accept. Yet, I still did not feel at peace releasing the plans for us to provide resources for Brazilian women and women’s ministries. I couldn’t go to Brazil, yet neither could I the let go the plans for our launch of these resources. Leaning into that tension, as Board President Katie Forbess and I served as iron sharpening iron in conversation and prayer, God revealed am amazing plan—a blessing that could’ve only come from Him.
To make a long story very short: At the beginning of September, we launched our Portuguese resources in partnership with a Brazilian church plant in South Florida. To God be the glory!
For more God stories that affirm the truth of the blessings of wrestling, turn to the story of Jacob in your Bibles or ask me for a few more stories of my own… Lean into the fight ladies, the blessing is worth it! And you are not in the struggle alone.
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