written by Michelle J. Goff
At a birthday party, it came time to serve the cake.
A little boy named Brian blurted out, “I want the biggest piece!”
His mother quickly scolded him.
“Brian, it’s not polite to ask for the biggest piece.”
The little guy looked at her in confusion, and asked,
“Well then, how do you get it?”
We often want to fix someone else’s problem, to take away her pain, or even request the biggest piece of cake on her behalf, but many times the only thing we can do is the best thing we can do: pray. When we let someone know we are praying for them, we affirm three significant truths. These three affirmations of support are, “You are loved. You are prayed for. And you are not alone.”
Satan wants to isolate us. Single and single-again women often are already feeling isolated, ostracized, and alienated. The encouragement and support we can offer one another through prayer are key to feeling heard, valued, and included.
Paul mentions throughout the epistles the strength he gleans from the prayers of others. And his constant prayers for the ones to whom he writes are an evidence of his love for them and the joy with which he remembers them in his prayers (Phil. 1:3-11).
One of my favorite prayers of Paul’s is especially appropriate to be prayed over each other as single women. The truths in Ephesians 3:14-21 speak light into the darkness and power into the weakness. I encourage you to insert a single woman’s name into the prayer as you intercede on her behalf. (I have given you a sample below using my own name.)
For this reason [out of love for my single friend], I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen [Michelle] with power through His Spirit in [her] inner being, so that Christ may dwell in [Michelle’s] heart through faith. And I pray that [Michelle], being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that [Michelle] may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Eph. 3:14-21, NIV, adapted)
Sometimes it can be easier to pray for others than for yourself. If you need to read this prayer to yourself first, inserting your own name, go ahead! Aren’t those powerful words? Yes, God loves YOU that much!
While Paul’s examples of prayer are beautiful, the best examples of prayer come from Christ Himself. Jesus taught His disciples to pray (Matt. 6:5-15) and invited them to pray with Him (Luke 9:28). Jesus asked for prayers from His disciples on His behalf (Matt. 26:36-40) and He prayed on their behalf (John 17). In order to keep His focus and maintain His relationship with His Father, Jesus would often take some time away from others and pray (Matt. 14:23; Luke 5:16). On at least one occasion, He spent all night in prayer (Luke 6:12).
And why did Jesus pray on all these occasions? His one single reason: Love—for His Father and for every single one of us.
Drawing from Jesus’ and Paul’s examples, what are some of the benefits and blessings of prayer?
Secondly, what about prayer is supportive of others?
Prayer is fellowship. Prayer connects us with God and with one another on a deeper level than any other form of communication. There is a powerful, humbling vulnerability when we go to God on someone else’s behalf or when we pray together aloud. When you express to someone that you are petitioning God on her behalf, she feels cared for and seen. You are standing in the gap for her with intentionality and sincerity (Rom 15:30).
Bonnie remembers exactly where she was standing when the preacher told her that he stands with her in the gap, that he goes before the throne of God on her behalf. He has reminded her of that truth on other occasions, as well. As a single woman, never married, in her late 30’s, when Bonnie struggles with feelings of loneliness, she remembers the preacher’s prayerful blessing and knows she is not alone.
We do not need to be preachers to stand in the gap with others and partner in prayer with them. Prayer is communion with God and with one another. Who can you fellowship with in prayer today?
Prayer maintains our focus. Whether we are asking for wisdom (James 1:5) or patience in affliction (Rom. 12:12), we can be faithful in prayer bringing others and ourselves before God (1 Tim. 2:1; 2 Tim. 1:3). When we look to Him, He fills us with faith, love, hope, strength, and the same power that raised His Son from the dead (Eph. 1:15-20)!
One single sister, in the context of a Bible study small group, shared, “When a sister in Christ asks me about something specific that we have prayed about together in the past, I am so encouraged. It shows me that I am important enough to her and to God for her to bring my request before our Heavenly Father. It also reminds me that God is the one who can truly make a difference in that situation. Instead of stressing about it, it reminds me to ask myself if I have prayed about it.”
Prayer provides deep connection through shared burdens. Liliana loves to tell other single women about the depth of relationship formed with her prayer partners as they pray over their shared struggles together, as single women.
Katie F., echoing the sentiments of James 5:13-18, says, “I’ve never regretted pausing to pray for someone in the moment. Sometimes it is a silent prayer. And sometimes I stop in the middle of wherever we are and say a prayer for her, out loud, for her to hear the burden that is now shared being lifted to God. Yeah, I have never regretted it.”
Prayer gives it all over to God. The prayer of the persistent widow in Luke 18 demonstrates that it is most important to go to the one who has the power to do something about your circumstances. We cannot handle it on our own and should not even try.
I love how many people partnered in prayer with one single mom, all striving together to give the situation over to God along every challenging step of the way.
Two years earlier, when entering that same courtroom for the first time, the room felt large and everything loomed, including the anticipation of the rulings to be made. Burdened by the effects of sin not her own, she was reaping the consequences of her ex-husband’s decisions. However, on the day of the custody trial, the room felt softer, smaller, even cozy. The difference? The cloud of witnesses that filled the courtroom.
Among those witnesses were the dozen or so who were sworn in before the judge. The forty plus people who trickled in and out during the nine-hour trial were prayer warriors and witnesses to God’s faithfulness. The final group among the cloud of witnesses were the angels fighting in the spiritual battle and softening the cold, daunting nature of the proceedings.
God was glorified. And the greater testimony given for the judge, attorneys, bailiff, and others was not related specifically to the case, but rather to the testimony of how many of her Christian family showed up in physical presence compared to the void of people on his side of the courtroom. The one who showed up big-time, and even showed off, was God who received all the honor and praise for what happened that day.
For a single mom whose life had been turned upside down, she felt affirmed repeatedly that she was never alone. The physical presence of the witnesses... The thousands of prayers being lifted up on her behalf and on behalf of her daughter—even the prayers for her ex-husband to repent… The encouraging messages sent through the private Facebook group in which she sent updates with more specific prayer requests and expressions of praise and thankfulness... Love for God and love for a broken family was the cloud of witnesses' one single reason to show up that day.
This testimony of support is one small example of the power of prayer and the strength of its encouragement to a single or single-again woman (2 Cor. 1:11).
How have you been supported through prayer as a single woman? And how can you offer that prayerful support to others?