Written by Michelle J. Goff, founder and director of Iron Rose Sister Ministries
When asked to consult regarding the need for a singles ministry in a local congregation, there are two questions I ask before moving forward in the conversation.
1) How do you define singles?
2) Have you spoken with the singles there about this perceived need and what do they say?
In One Single Reason: Conversations with Single Women, I address the myriad of answers that could be provided for the first question.
In its simplest form for church contexts, a single person is someone who is not currently married. However, was this individual married at some point previously? Does she have children? Is she widowed? Does the young professional college graduate have the same “single” status as the divorced woman without kids? And what of those who choose to be single versus those who long to find a spouse? Contented singles or frustrated ones?
Singles. In a society that celebrates individuality, we cannot possibly highlight all of the variations and nuances to each person’s specific story. (One Single Reason, pg. 10)
Interestingly, when I conducted surveys and interviews across the Americas, I had a more difficult time recruiting Latina sisters to participate in the survey because they were using a different definition of “single” than I was using. For them, a single woman is someone who is single and available. If the woman has a boyfriend, a partner, or a husband, at any level of commitment in the relationship, even separated or divorced, she is no longer “single.”
How do you define “single”?
Throughout the book, One Single Reason, I use the singular term “single” to refer to single women (never married) and those who are single again (separated, divorced, or widowed). However, one of the points that is highlighted is that every single one of us, not just the singles, struggle with many of the same things!
When referring to a specific woman’s story, sometimes the details of her marital status were included in the narrative, and at other times, it was preferable to leave out those details in order to illustrate the multiple ways in which others can identify with her plight or her victory.
Outside of the distinction between the ways in which North Americans and Latinas might define the term “single,” language and country of origin were not the most significant contributing factors, statistically speaking, for the vast majority of the responses to the surveys and the interviews. This affirms a greater commonality among all women than the dividing border lines Satan would like to draw between us.
While we may not understand the specific context of someone else’s story, we can listen, learn, and love—our one single reason—in a way that affirms our shared identity in Christ. And if we are listening and learning about the story of someone who is not yet in Christ, our love for her and for Christ compels us to invite her into a shared identity as His beloved daughter!
In the family or the body of Christ, we see a description of many members with different functions (1 Cor. 12; Eph. 4:11-16; others).
May we celebrate each other’s value in the body, especially that of the single women we know. For various reasons, she often feels less a part of the body, less connected, or less valued. And no matter who you are reading this post, single, married, single-again, red or yellow, brown, black or white… please KNOW with certainty how much God loves you and how much He longs for you to reflect His love to others through the love you have for yourself (Matt. 22:39).
If you are interested in continuing this conversation, please check out our latest resource, One Single Reason: Conversations with Single Women. And if you know someone who is not yet familiar with this conversation, but who you know should be invited to the table, especially for how to better listen, learn, and love in a church context, check out One Single Reason: Congregational Strategies from Conversations with Single Women.
As we live out love, let’s see each other as God sees us and allow Him to shape and refine our identities in Him.
P.S. The Spanish book is now available on Amazon and for pre-order on our website!