Written by Brenda Davis, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Arkansas
“Above all, love each other deeply.” (1 Pe. 4:8a NIV)
God did not create us to go through life alone. I am blessed to be surrounded by people that I love and by those who love me. God’s Word is filled with reminders that we need to love each other. Jesus spoke plainly about how we are to love. “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you” (Jn. 15:12).
But is simply loving enough? Paul tells the Romans that they need to “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor” (Ro. 12:10 ESV). I love this concept. Imagine how the world would be if everyone tried to outdo one another in showing honor? Peter also goes above and beyond encouraging us to love when he says we need to love each other deeply.
This deep love is demonstrated in the relationship between Paul and Onesimus. The two became such close friends that Paul refers to Onesimus as “my very heart” (Phm. 1:12). Another touching story of this kind of love is that of David and Jonathan found in the books of 1 and 2 Samuel. Their relationship was built on loyalty, trust, and love so deep that Jonathan even risked his life to protect David from his father's anger.
If you Google “How to deepen your spiritual relationships” you will get about 293,000,000 results! Thankfully, the Scriptures provide ample guidance for how to develop this deeper kind of love.
Begin by focusing your relationships on things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praiseworthy (Php. 4:8). As 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, “Encourage one another and build one another up.”
Here are three additional suggestions for developing deeper love in our relationships.
Stay in the Word Together
Deep relationships are based on Biblical truths. When we are not digging into the Scriptures to see how to love deeply, it’s hard to build a relationship based on truth and honesty. But when we let the Scriptures guide us, our relationships will grow and reach maturity, as Paul states in Ephesians 4:15 (NIV). "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”
Have Deeper Conversations
Conversation with someone we love should edify us and “spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (Heb. 10:24b). But we often spend entire conversations talking about our children, current events, and social activities, ignoring opportunities to dig deep into each other’s life instead of sharing our stories, struggles, and dreams.
To go deep, these conversations often mean delving into difficult areas, and we may be presented with some hard truths. Messy conversations are part of spiritual growth, and the more truthful we are, the messier and more painful it can be. But “wounds from a friend can be trusted” (Pr. 27:6a). Depth takes courage!
When you love someone deeply, it's almost like there's nothing you can't share with them. You can tell them how you truly feel, knowing that you will not betray each other’s trust. "A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret" (Pr. 11:13). You know they won't judge you, and when you experience this lack of judgment, you'll feel safe and secure.
In addition, you can bring up touchy subjects with them because you know that you can be open and honest. Are you an honest friend? Do you only tell those you love what they need to hear, or is it more important that they like you? When we love deeply, we tell them the truth when we see them going the wrong way, even if it may hurt at first.
Listen
At times, you can communicate more with just your presence than with words. Deep love means giving focused attention without interrupting. Maintaining eye contact and actively listening to what the other person has to say and responding with sincere facial expression and body language sends a strong message of love.
James exhorts us to be “quick to listen,” and “slow to speak” (Jas. 1:19-20). In Proverbs 18:2 we read, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion” (ESV). So, Paul says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Php. 2:3-5).
Dear sisters, love deeply! “May the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, as we do for you” (1 Th. 3:12).