Written by Liliana Henríquez, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Colombia
In the same way that a sheet of paper can take on different shapes as origami figures, interpersonal relationships can be shaped in different ways according to the expectations we have. Naturally, we expect the people with whom we relate to have characteristics that are similar to ours: the same values, same points of view, liking the same things, etc. However, this is not always the case. In the course of my adult life, I have had friends who have only stayed next to me for certain seasons of my life, and other friends that I still have and with whom I maintain a close friendship. I've had friendships that I've had to let go of because we were not on the same page anymore and it was better to go our separate ways like Paul and Barnabas in Acts 15.
Expectations not only apply at the level of friendships and couples, but also in ministry and work life. I believe that it is valid to accept that sometimes we grow in different directions, that we have different personalities, and that, as a wise Spanish proverb says, “Cada cabeza es un mundo,” or “Every head is a world.” The most important thing is that we learn to have realistic expectations, know how to communicate with others so that the relationship is strengthened, avoid idealizing people, and be aware that regardless of the type of relationship we have, our essence should not change. We are Christians and above all, love and respect must prevail.
We are light and we must shine. (Matt. 5:14)
We are salt and we must give flavor. (Matt. 5:13)
We have the Holy Spirit, and we must bear Its fruit. (Gal. 5:22-23)
I know it hurts to leave friendships and relationships that we thought would last longer. But it is important to know how to identify when we are no longer the right companion for someone and when someone is not right for us because, in the end, we likely would end up hurting each other. The first priority should always be to fix or restore the friendship or relationship, but if after working through that whole process, harmony between both parties is not achieved, it is best to say goodbye.
It is important to choose wisely the people who will accompany us in the different seasons of our lives. When developing relationships, some healthy expectations that we should have, are with nurturing people who:
- Bring out the best in us.
- Bring us closer to God.
- Rejoice in our successes.
- Support us in our saddest moments.
"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is there for times of trouble." (Prov. 17:17 ISV)
I want to continue developing relationships with people who, regardless of our different shapes and personalities, allow me to maintain my Christian essence. I want to continue being light, salt, and bearing the fruit of the Holy Spirit in all my relationships. And you? What are your expectations at a relational level?