Written by Aileen Bonilla, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Ecuador
Who has not been involved in a complicated relationship? I would dare to say we all have. Jesus was also in middle of these confusing relationships, obviously not because He caused any conflict, but rather because He lived in this fallen world. The reality is that relationships are not complicated, we are the complicated ones.
Different than us, Jesus had and has all authority to reproach those who have a conflictive heart. Those heart problems will be reflected whenever they open their mouths. He manifested in Matthew 12:34,
“For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”
The context of this quote is when Jesus cast out a demon from the body of a man who was blind and mute. The Pharisees were always attentive to everything Jesus did in order to accuse Him. They desired, with their whole heart, that Jesus die. This passage is one of the many scenes where the gospels reveal how difficult it was for Jesus to fulfill His ministry here in this world, where everyone was contaminated by evil.
We shouldn’t be surprised that, at some point, we will find ourselves in the middle of complicated relationships. We should have wise discernment to realize if we are the stumbling block. Just as the Pharisees were trying to tempt Jesus, we will be tempted. And ever since the fall in the garden of Eden, humans have been incapable of relating with others in the right way. We all have different temperaments. But what should be clear is that as Christians, and in spite of those internal conflicts, we do not have the right to treat others badly.
I remember when I studied gastronomy together with my husband, we met a girl that had kitchen experience. For her, everything we did was wrong. Every time the instructors taught something new, she considered it irrelevant. Also, when she made a mistake, she was incapable of recognizing her error. No one wanted to be near her, since she yelled and made fun of everyone in the group. Those same attitudes in Christians are weighed down by the “old self” (versus the new creation). And that is why we shouldn’t be surprised when there are difficult people in our congregations.
Proverbs speaks a lot about not aligning ourselves with people who are haughty, arrogant, angry, wise in their own eyes. The reason is because we will become like them. These people typically do not want to be helped. Since they’re already wise in their own eyes, they are hindering the work of God’s Spirit. In spite of being in the midst of these complicated people, Jesus remained blameless, and His Word says that He left us good works, good examples that we should follow (Eph. 2:10).
The Pharisees constantly attacked Jesus; they couldn’t stand that there was another Teacher better than them, because He taught by example. They were jealous of the Son of God, and this is a grave sentiment that destroys everything in its path.
The envious person wants everything at any cost, invalidating the other person. The jealous person is in constant competition with others. For this reason, many times, our workplace carries such weight, because there are those who are scheming for ill and pulling others into the situation. Even though we can’t always escape from an environment like this, neither should we be contaminated by it.
Also, there will be complicated relationships amongst our loved ones, be that children, brothers, sisters, parents, spouse, etc. At any moment, the rope tightens, but to reach that limit, it is because we have let the emotions pass. The emotions are capable of creating an entire theory because we first feel and then think (Goleman, 336). Nevertheless, we are called to be reconcilers to reflect God in our homes and wherever we go.
At one point in my life, I, too, was a complicated person, because many people had constantly hurt me and I decided back then to close my heart to friendships, to Christian brothers and sisters, and to anyone. I didn’t want to go out; I even suffered from depression. But God, in His infinite wisdom, showed me that in spite of the past hurt, I had to make the effort to leave that state of being. Today, I am much more open to expressing my emotions and letting things flow, always with caution, but by trying to help those who need it. When someone treats me badly, yells at me, offends me, and uses guilt to make me responsible for their emotions, I silently go to the Father, in complete silence, without even shedding a tear. And the Father speaks to me, “Be still, I AM God.”