Written by Melissa Lindsey, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministries in Colorado
My name is Melissa Lindsey and this is my journey to motherhood through adoption and more importantly, through faith. My husband and I have been married since 2014. Our marriage has been filled with adventures in traveling and has been met with its share of joy, challenges, and adversity. Our faith in God has served as a compass to guide us through times of uncertainty, unemployment, and infertility. In 2015, we became deeply interested in the idea of having a family of our own. Unfortunately, it was easier said than done.
From 2015-2017, we faced unemployment where Berdell had to re-invent himself and embark on a whole new career and I discovered I had stage 4 endometriosis and uterine fibroids. In 2016, I underwent surgery and had a myomectomy performed to remove my extremely large fibroids. By 2018, the fibroids returned with such aggressiveness that it was endangering my health and I was forced to have an emergency hysterectomy. Doctors were shocked I had been living with such an immense amount of pain for so long; they had never seen a case like mine before. The fibroids had attached themselves to my colon, bladder, and the endometriosis had completely destroyed my ovaries and fallopian tubes. Like any couple who dreamed of having children of their own, this was a devastating outcome that came with mourning and depression. To say I was not angry or not angry at God, would be a lie. As a former school counselor of 13 years, I have seen my fair share of children who go home to environments that are unstable: children who face different forms of abuse at the hands of the ones who are supposed to love and protect them. Yet here I was: childless, broken, and damaged. Did God find me unworthy? Too broken to bear a child in His image?
My husband was the one who brought up the idea of adoption. I was half invested in his suggestion; still hanging onto the hope that God would make a way and I would be pregnant. It was during this time I started a deep dive into social media and came across several stories from adoptees and adoptive parents who had situations similar to ours. This is where I found the adoption agency we would eventually use, Faithful Adoption Consultants. They are a Christian based organization located in Georgia. I loved their message and loved listening to the stories from families who adopted through them. We officially became active with FAC in January of 2020 and started receiving profiles of expectant mothers looking to place their unborn babies for adoption. I leaned on my husband, our faith, and scripture during this time; particularly Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV, “Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and he will make your paths straight.” Our belief in the power of the Lord was definitely needed, because as soon as we signed on the dotted line that we wanted to be FAC clients, the requests for payment from every person who would play a part in bringing our baby home, started rolling in. There was no one else, but God, who could have made it possible to raise enough funds needed to adopt, down to the very last cent. Several times we questioned if we made the right decision; were we crazy? We’re just two educators with modest means embarking on one of our wildest adventures yet!
While we were incredibly blessed to have overwhelming support from family, friends, and even strangers. Our road to parenthood was not what we anticipated. While we thought we knew how we’d get to our destination, the reality is, the journey wasn’t what we expected. Our adoption experience didn’t come without some scars and struggles along the way. People unfamiliar with adoption do not understand the mere exhaustion of the process; the strain it imposes on your mind, body, and relationships. The number of hoops you have to jump through with different state agencies to determine if you’re fit to raise this beautiful child. Then there’s the waiting. Waiting to finally be chosen by an expectant mother. Praying each night this woman who’s making one of the hardest decisions of her life, will ultimately choose you to love her precious baby forever. Finally, there’s the one thing hopeful adoptive parents don’t like to talk about and are often too scared to bring it up – disrupted adoptions. Disrupted adoptions are often adoptions where a birth parent chooses to parent the child upon the child’s birth. My husband and I went through this experience twice.
How do you grieve someone that never really belonged to you? These sweet babies that I loved for months will never know me. They will never know how hard I prayed for them and their mothers. Even though I never got to hold or feel these babies kick, they grew in our hearts and will forever be a part of our family. I went to a very dark place within myself during this loss. I struggled to process it all. Adoption is hard. Excruciatingly hard. Even though my heart felt like it had been ripped from my body, if a birth mother chooses to parent, that’s not a failure. While we mourned those losses, we fell deep into God’s Word, trusting the One who has the whole world in His hands. His love is steadfast. His promises are faithful. He brings redemption out of brokenness. “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us” (Rom. 8:18). A week later, we received word a young expectant mom and her mother had chosen us to parent her baby after reading our profile. Despite our faith being severely tested, we always knew that God had a plan for us all along! Our greatest blessing was born September 30, 2020.
It is evident that adoption is close to the heart of Christ and should be central to the mission of Christians worldwide. When we receive our Lord by faith, we have the honor of becoming His children. Throughout scripture, there are verses that tell of our spiritual adoption and how we are adopted into His family. “In love He predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will…” (Eph. 1:5). We are all equals in the eyes of God. In adoption, every child is worthy of being part of a family, just as He has called us worthy to be His daughters forever. God wants this father-child relationship. He delights to provide for and protect His children. I can always rely on Him. There’s a verse I read every day during our period of waiting, Psalms 73:26, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” God is my portion, He is enough. He was my portion when I was overwhelmed with worry and when we were going through hard situations. He was my portion before we adopted our baby girl and He continues to be what I need each and every day.
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