For those that know me, especially the students of the LSU Christian Student Center, I love to tell and hear God stories. They’re stories about the little things in life that give testimony to the living and active hand of God in our lives.
There are so many God-stories that I may run out of Saturdays to tell them all, but I will begin with one that happened just this past Wednesday….
My chest was tight and my head was swimming as I totaled up how much I had personally invested in the new ministry since February of this year. The weightiest and final straw came after authorizing the purchase of 2,000 copies of the 1st small group Bible study book, Human AND Holy, and 3,000 copies of the Spanish version, Humano Y Santo. The English version is at the printer’s now and will be available within a week or two. The Spanish version will be less than a month behind that timeframe. But that is not the point of today’s story…
My inadequacies were rearing their ugly heads as I doubted the wisdom of making this decision. I had not come to this recent decision on my own, but made it in counsel with the Board of Directors for Iron Rose Sister Ministries. We all agreed it was a great savings in an effort to reduce the overhead cost for each of the books, especially as they are distributed to Latin America and many women and churches that are in need of such materials and encouragement.
But as a very large chunk of my savings went to the advance purchase of the books, my trust in God and His plan for the ministry wavered. I started counting my blessings and continued praying, but the tightness in my chest would not go away…
I got a few more things done that afternoon in an effort to distract myself and headed to church a short time later. That night, we continued our discussion in the book of Matthew and “happened” to be in chapter 14, which includes the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 with the five loaves and two fish. Someone mentioned the lack of faith the disciples had and made a comment about how many miracles the disciples had seen and yet they still doubted.
Well, I get it. I am definitely one of those disciples, a follower of Jesus that has seen so many miracles in the past, one that has been blessed countless times with God’s provision, but still doubts. Oh ye of little faith. Yep. That’s me. “Little faith,” party of one. Party of many. Because I know you’ve been there too.
May we all be reminded of the overabundant examples of God’s provision, from the stories in our own lives to the multiplying of the five loaves and two fish with twelve basketfuls left over! I thank God for graciously reminding me of that this past Wednesday night. My fears are still very real and very present as I continue to move forward with this new ministry, but over the past few days, I have gone back to the five loaves and two fish as a reminder of God’s provision and blessing.