Written by Liliana Henríquez, volunteer with Iron Rose Sister Ministriesin Colombia
Where do you begin and where do I begin?
Why does it sometimes seem as if we become one person instead of being two separate individuals?
Have you ever wondered this?
Sometimes my tastes merge with your tastes and my problems become your problems.
However, it is important to know our boundaries and not assume responsibilities that are not ours to begin with.
When we understand that each of us has our own responsibilities to fulfill, we will stop seeing what happens in our neighbor's house and instead, focus on what happens in ours. It's about acknowledging what God gave us and doing the best you can with it. As we see in the parable of the talents in Matthew 25:14-30, the task was simple: each one would be in charge of multiplying the talents he received. The task was not to see how many talents the friend got and do the work for him. Each one of them had to fulfill their own responsibilities.
I have come to understand that, just like me, the people around me have internal and external resources to face the situations of daily life. Nobody needs to be carried like a baby. We, as adults, have the potential to use the resources available to us. In addition, we count on the extraordinary help of the Holy Spirit to guide us at all times and intercede for us before God when we do not even know what to ask for (Rom. 8:26).
Okay then, if I know that you are capable of taking care of yourself, why is it difficult for me not to get so involved in your life?
Because I am not sure what my boundaries are!
When this happens, out of a motivation to keep up appearances, we get involved in situations in which we have not been called, we give opinions that we have not been asked for, and we accept tasks that we do not really want to do.
I encourage you to redefine your relationships by knowing where your responsibilities begin and end and by recognizing which ones belong to your sisters or friends. If each of us guards our own heart and takes care of ourselves, we will have more pleasant and easy-going friendships. After all, no one likes to carry other people's problems! While we may be willing to help, we should always have the discipline to establish boundaries, so that we don’t allow those we love to grow dependent on us but rather allow them to gain strength and experience through their trials. By establishing our boundaries, we do not become involved in an unhealthy way.
It’s one thing to help and support each other. We have been called to love one another, but to assume other people's responsibilities is a very different thing.
It is time to clearly define the terms of our relationships and establish healthy boundaries.