Unknown Certainty
Tiffany Jacox
Life is one big mystery. We grow up excited for the future and what awaits us. We stress and worry and plan for our future as we grow into young adults. We have hopes and dreams but we never really know how the next day will pan out. We have faith and hope in each new day or maybe we just take it all for granted.
Many of us have experienced many different things throughout our lives. Maybe some of those experiences were positive and joyful or maybe they left you hurt and confused. I know I’ve experienced joy, pain and confusion. Growing up in a difficult childhood, having a baby at the age of sixteen and getting married before my 17th birthday. My husband joining the military, taking us to a new life I had never known. Then many years later a slew of personal issues that would have to be dealt with, along with the trials most people face on a day to day basis. Unfortunately, I didn’t always stand firm in my foundation of faith. I was a lukewarm Christian at best for many years, until finally, I completely fell away for seven years.
In what my husband and I would classify as a good time in our life; I found I wasn’t complete. I was empty and searching. It took me months to realize what was missing in my life and in 2010 I nervously approached my husband, who was not a Christian, about how I believed that Christ was missing in my life, in our lives, and I needed to find my way back. We found a wonderful home in the Bellevue church of Christ. I developed a new found love and understanding with Jesus Christ and my husband gave his life to Christ in 2011. Our two daughters also gave their lives to Christ in the following years. This was my first experience realizing the unknown in my life and seeing God provide.
During my lifetime, I had never really thought about my path. I never really wondered what God had in store for me. I knew the pathway to heaven was narrow and that Christ was the only way, but I never considered anything beyond that. But as I felt Him calling out to me and my heart began to listen, I inevitably got in the way. I started trying to figure out what I was made for. What were my talents? What did I enjoy? Where could I make the most impact? Boy, do you notice a theme there? It was all about “me” instead of Jesus. No wonder I was having trouble!
In 2015 a wonderful woman in my congregation asked me to co-teach our Sunday morning women’s class. I wasn’t sure I was up for such a task. I would be one of the younger ladies in the class and I don’t have the knowledge, wisdom nor experience these wonderful ladies would have. I didn’t quite measure up. I also hadn’t really done much of anything in front of a group before and that was terrifying to think about. Thankfully she assured me that I had what it took and she would be there for me. Ok, I thought, I can do that. It’s not like I will really have to lead or teach, not much anyway. Oh I love how God works! Turns out that I ended up teaching that class, my very first adult class, on my own. Not only did I survive but I did just fine. God used this time to provide me with a confidence, no matter how small, that He already had in me. He proved to me through the experience and through the support of the ladies, that He has equipped me. Teaching really requires a lot of preparation and study. Another bonus from God, it helps to keep me in His Word on a regular basis. It also helps me to look a little deeper and really meditate on what the living word of God is saying to me. Wow, that first year really opened my eyes and grew my faith. God took my insecurity, my weakness and my uncertainty and used it not only for my good but for His good.
God stretched me even further in 2016. I had started to learn the year before to trust in God in new ways. I started a local mission in this year based off an idea I had seen an old high school classmate do. I started Prayer in the Park. I set up a booth in our local farmer’s market each and every Saturday. We handed out materials about our church and we just greeted folks with a smile and offered our prayers. We had some people who stopped just to ask questions or just to chat. We had some who stopped and asked for prayers. Each week I had to call and see if there was a space for us and make sure that we were still welcome. We were on a short leash being a religious group. This is when my faith began to grow even more because each week we were granted permission. Every Saturday we were able to spend time with other vendors and members of our community in the beauty of God’s creation and build trust and develop relationships. We were even blessed with seeing some of these people come to worship services. It was a beautiful thing.
This was also the year that I set aside my fears and went on my first overseas mission trip. My husband had gone the year before and had encouraged me to come along this time. So, I prayed about it and prayed about it and then I said, “Okay God, here I go......send me.” Our youngest daughter also came along. What a beautiful experience and what lessons I learned. 2016 was an amazing year with my local mission, my first overseas mission trip and my second year of teaching ladies class that I was really starting to see God move. I was starting to really let God lead me. I also began to understand what peace and confidence in Christ meant.
However, 2017 proved to be a more challenging year. I lost a cousin to aggressive breast cancer. I still had personal issues I was working through, job stress, financial stress, ministry frustrations and all the things we all deal with each day. Once summer came, God reminded me to refocus. Our ministry was welcomed back to the farmer’s market and we found a ministry made stronger. We were blessed with the opportunity to talk with more people than the year before. We had more people sharing their stories with us, some of them heart wrenching, yet they allowed us to pray with them and love them. We were the light of Christ.
I was provided a moment to submit to God one particular day in the park. We had some lovely women who had stopped and were sharing their struggles with us. I was asked to pray. I was asked to pray over these women, right there in the middle of the park, with dozens of people around. I panicked for a moment and then I took a deep breath and said, “God please lead me.” I was still shaking as I put my arms around these women and prayed. The Spirit was with me and the words flowed easily. I was moved to tears. What a vulnerable moment. Afterwards, I needed a moment to myself to thank God. He provided me with a moment of love and understanding, growth and support. He showed me that He is always right there with me, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. It also gave me the strength to do more prayer in front of others. I also went on my second overseas mission trip in 2017 and found this trip to be a lot more about listening and submission, the next building blocks to making me a Godly woman.
2018 has already provided me with many opportunities. I feel a confidence and passion in reaching out to others. When I get nervous or scared, I just remember the path God has set before me. I have a great desire to encourage all women to really listen for God’s direction. I am in my third year teaching my ladies class and I just love it. It has helped me grow in my knowledge and my faith tremendously. I plan on continuing in mission work but I am waiting for the Lord to direct my path on when and where. I am in a way, taking a bit of a time out to listen for his direction. I have been given proof in my experiences and my relationships to trust God. He sends people our way when we need it and when we least expect it. He provides opportunities for us, we just have to be ready to receive them. Be still and listen and be ready to say, let’s go! The uptight control freak I used to be is learning to be a little more relaxed and trusting in Jesus. His way is always better than my way and I now look forward to the unknown because I have seen the beauty that comes from unrivaled abandon to the Lord. I am totally certain of my unknown uncertainty, and I welcome it because God is already there waiting for me.
Romans 8:28 “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those you are called according to His purpose.” (NASB)
Colossians 3:17 “Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.” (NASB)
Galatians 6:9 “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.” (NASB)
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